Sermon: Displaying Virtuous Character
#1715
Martin G. Collins
Given 24-Jun-23; 69 minutes
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transcript:
Our Creator is a Father raising what will ultimately be an enormous family. He loves the individual family members, His children, and is pleased when we get along and we stay out of trouble, which we do sometimes struggle to do, but we are working on it, are we not?
His supreme goal calls for tremendously high standards of our behavior. He wants His sons and daughters to develop and display extraordinary levels of virtue. As we strive to produce righteous fruit, we must yield to what is right in God's eyes, which entails a sincere conviction for good works driven by a self-sacrificial desire for the welfare of others. Such excellence of character not only glorifies God and reflects His nature, but God also requires it for all who want to enter His Kingdom.
The fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22-23 begins with love because love is the foundation of the other spiritual fruit, and the greatest because it obviously best reflects the character of God.
Now, the last fruit listed is self-control, which requires the other spiritual fruit to accomplish. It is the discipline given by the Holy Spirit that allows us to resist our human nature and the deceits of Satan. In the New Testament, the most common Greek word for self control is enkrateia in its transliteration. Its root meaning is power over oneself, self-mastery. Self-control in its widest sense is mastery over our desires. It is the virtue that holds our appetites in check in controlling our rational will or regulating our conduct without being duly swayed by sensuous desires. Moderation is a key element of self-control.
Self-control can be viewed from two perspectives, inward and outward, at least for the sake of this sermon. Inward in how we overcome weaknesses that affect us personally and outward in how we affect others. And today, I want to elaborate on the outward effect.
Everything should be done appropriately, politely, and graciously as a representative of the Kingdom of God. All must be done orderly and consistently. God is not the author of confusion. And so Paul admonishes the church in I Corinthians 14:40: "Let all things be done decently and in order." The Greek word used in verse 40 for "in order," kata taxin, is a military term and it means "the order and regularity with which an army is drawn up." So this is a general rule which is meant to guide us in our spiritual life. This simple and plain rule is easily applied. Good godly sense should help us determine the restraint we must have from extremes in behavior.
Please turn with me to I Corinthians 10, verse 23. Now, many things cannot be strictly subjected to a rule or exactly set. And there are numerous non-stated biblical principles that must be left to virtuous wisdom, good sense, and the understanding of righteous people to determine what is appropriate and edifying in certain circumstances.
I Corinthians 10:23-24 [the theme here is all to the glory of God] All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify [or build up or help]. Let not one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being.
When there is no exact rule and when one's example is influential, he should not be guided in his conduct by what is easy, comfortable, or gratifying, but by what is beneficial, enlightening, and good for others. So it is an outward concern, an outgoing concern of love for other people that is needed for self-control.
I am sure you have noticed over the years that a lack of manners and common courtesy is often the cause of offenses and irritations and frustrations between people. We could also call it poor etiquette, or more commonly called, poor manners, which can be offensive. But what are manners anyway? We do not hear much about manners or etiquette or anything like that anymore because everything is being torn down and rebuilt in a totally different direction.
According to Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, manners are: a) ways of social life, prevailing social conditions, or customs, b) ways of social behavior deport, especially with reference to polite conventions as good manners or bad manners, and c) polite ways of social behavior, deportment, conforming with polite conventions; as, the child really has manners.
Basically, manners are ways of behavior or a way of life that we target or we work toward. Psalm 101:1-2 says, "I will sing of mercy and justice; to You, O Lord, I will sing praises. I will behave wisely in a perfect way. Oh, when will You come to me? I will walk within my house with a perfect heart." So our instruction there is to live perfect lives, but that includes especially our behavior.
Now we, as members of God's church, have been working diligently to learn how to live God's way of life. We try to imitate Jesus Christ to conform to God's most excellent way of life. And His example in John 5:19 says, "Then Jesus answered and said to them [that is the disciples], 'Most assuredly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He sees the Father do; for whatever He does the Son also does in like manner.'"
And that is also instruction for us. We are to do things in like manner of Jesus Christ who reflects the Father. So Jesus Christ's manner (and manners) reflect the Father's. We have those marching orders to do the same.
Emily Post, the American philosopher who lived from 1873 to 1960, in her book Etiquette, copyrighted in 1922, offers this insight into manners as a way of living.
Manners are made up of trivialities of deportment [that is, proper behavior] which can be easily learned if one does not happen to know them; manner is personality—the outward manifestation of one's innate character and attitude toward life.
Jesus Christ directed His disciples to abide in Him, to follow Him, implying their need to imitate His virtuous character, to bear good fruit, and to glorify the Father.
Turn with me to Titus 1 please. The apostle Paul describes the virtuous character traits required of a church elder as a steward working in sacrificial service to God. In the next two chapters he lists the traits ministers should encourage among the flock. In Titus 3:8, Paul teaches that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. And we can describe all these traits as virtues critical for Christian service and bearing good fruit.
Godly manners are about courtesy, politeness, etiquette, propriety, customs, correctness, responsibility, respectability, and a more excellent way of life within the church, within the Family of God, and eventually within the Kingdom of God. In Titus 3, Paul moves from Christian conduct and groups there in chapter 2, verses 1-10 to Christian conduct in general in chapter 3, verses 1-11.
The behavior of believers as citizens must be different from that of unbelievers because of our moral and ethical responsibilities as loyalists to God. The indwelling of the Holy Spirit enables us to go contrary to the self-serving direction of the world. And we are certainly seeing that in the world today as it moves in a self-centered obsessive way to look for thrills and happiness and that type of thing. They are just throwing out all of the laws that keep us civilized and are just marching in the streets and all types of things that are causing this nation to decline very rapidly.
In Titus 3, Paul tells Titus to remind the members of God's church how to maintain good works.
Titus 3:1-2 Remind them to be subject to rulers and authorities, to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceful, gentle, showing all humility to all men.
Wow, is that an opposite description from the world. The church is the opposite, and we need to keep that in mind, that we are not to be of the world even though we live in it. The Amplified Bible words this last phrase, "Show unqualified courtesy toward everybody." The English word gentle here in verse 2 is translated from the Greek word eipiekeis, which means gentle, appropriate, and by implication, mild.
Although the English word humility in the New King James, meekness in the King James Version, and courtesy in the ESV are translated from the very hard to translate Greek word prauteeta in verse 2, it also carries the implied meaning, courteous consideration.
The two similar thoughts combined teach us that we must be courteous toward one another in a gentle way. We must peaceably refrain from contention and considerately exercise moderation in our interaction with one another. We are responsible for treating everyone, even those of the world, with courteous consideration. And that means we must not insult or vilify anyone. We must refrain from the common worldly practice of hurling harsh and inflammatory comments, and vicious and insulting nicknames.
The quality of courteous consideration is perfectly reflected in the life of Jesus Christ. Followers of Christ must always use appropriate conduct, remembering that He did not revile in return when He was reviled.
I Peter 2:23 [Jesus] who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; and when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously.
That is one of the hardest things that we have to do. Even members of God's church with God's Holy Spirit can be so easily offended and end up wanting to either shun the person or get back at them in some way. That is just absolutely wrong and we should not even go that way in thought.
Jesus refused to engage in quarrels and conflicts and He never spoke with the intention of agitating others. But He knew that He had to speak the gospel and the truth was going to agitate people. That is a different story altogether. When you are preaching the truth, the chips fall where they may, but we can try to do it in a gentle way if possible. But sometimes it takes a more frank approach.
According to the apostle Paul in his epistle to Titus, we should be considerate and gentle, not stubbornly insisting on our own rights, but acting with courtesy and patience; and just as important is our responsibility to show true humility and perfect courtesy, an attitude of mind the opposite of self-assertiveness and harshness. In verse 2 of Titus 3, Paul says to show all humility toward everyone. That is hard to do sometimes when you have somebody in the world who is arrogant or very harsh, to be able to show all humility.
Years ago, decades ago, when I was working representing a manufacturing company, I would go to New York City and visit people up there that I was responsible for the equipment to. And I worked going up to New York City quite often from the Baltimore area and then from Atlanta, and I thought they hated me. I thought the people up there just absolutely hated me. For four years I thought they could not stand me. But anyway, when I quit the job or moved on to another one, I found out that they loved me and they were so sorry to see me go. I was their favorite manufacturer's rep and that type of thing. So we just cannot always go by what we see on the surface. Different areas of the country have different approaches. And so I was glad to know that after the fact but I would have rather known it the first day!
Even with people that are harsh to us, we have to treat them gently and respectfully. This not only emphasizes its genuineness but is the greatest possible manifestation of courtesy, meekness, and humility.
Grammatically, the present participle rendered "show" suggests a continuing demonstration of humility as an essential trait of Christian character. So it must not be exhibited only in dealing with other members of God's church, but also shown toward everyone on earth, including the unfriendly. It is a difficult test of Christian character but one that effectively proves the genuineness of our attempt to live God's way of life.
In Titus 3:1-2, Paul lays down our public duty. His advice is particularly relevant to anyone living in a society such as Crete. The Cretans were notoriously argumentative and impatient of all authority. In contrast, God is training us to renounce wickedness and worldly desires and, in the present age, to live our lives with self-control and righteousness.
Ministers like Titus were to be in all respects models of good works. And although God is not saving the saints because of any works of righteousness that we have done, He wants us to be zealous, ready, and devoted to good works. This is righteous action, especially in service to others. Here in Titus 3:1-2, it lays down seven qualifications for the good citizens of heaven.
The first qualification for the good citizen of heaven is subject to rulers and authorities; that is, law abiding. We are to be subject to rulers and authorities, law abiding citizens. We have recognized that unless laws are kept life becomes chaos, which we are seeing firsthand sometimes in this nation, especially in the last few years. We give proper respect to those who are set in authority and carry out whatever command is given him, provided it does not go against the commands, statutes, principles, and laws of God.
God does not instruct us to cease to be an individual, but He does insist that we remember that we are members of a group, members of a Family. And more importantly, we are members of a heavenly Family. A person does not best express his personality in isolated individualism, but within the framework of the group. Iron sharpens iron, and there is no other iron to sharpen against if you are alone, individually. The value of the church is so underestimated and so neglected if the church has a social or some other activity and somebody else has people go to their home and have their own outing in conflict and directly against what the church is doing. And that is a shame. It really exposes people when they do that. But God does not instruct us to cease to be an individual.
The verb subject in Titus 3:1 implies loyal subjection. It shows the Christian's duty towards the civil administration. The same two descriptive words, rulers and authorities, are combined several times in Paul's writings and generally refer to spiritual agencies, so it rises to a higher level, a spiritual level rather than just a secular one.
The second qualification for good citizens of heaven is obedience. It may seem like a simple word, but it is not, it is a powerful word. This is from a Greek word that generally expresses conformity to regulations of the civil authorities. The good citizen abides by even the regulations and codes imposed by civil authorities that help maintain order in anything from land development to traffic laws, as long as they do not go against the commands, statutes, laws, and principles of God.
In one sense, this is emphasized in addition to subjection to help clarify that as good citizens, we are to abide by all civil laws and regulations.
Hebrews 13:17 Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.
So if we give the leaders a hard time for some reason, or society gives the leaders a hard time for some reason, then everybody suffers from it and it is unprofitable for us as individuals, as well as society.
The third qualification for a good citizen of heaven is ready for every good work. That is, ready to do whatever is good. We are ready and willing to help others, whenever the need arises.
Please turn with me to II Corinthians 6. We should always be cooperative provided no question of conscience is involved. But this does not mean we should join and be active in local community groups. Often these groups are very heavily involved in the world's national and/or pagan holidays and we are commanded to come out of the world and be separate.
It is interesting now especially this being pride month, it is anything but pride. But anyway, the powers behind the scenes have been forcing this on every company they can think of—everything from Target to Walmart to Starbucks. I was just reading about that this morning; that Starbucks has forced many of their managers to put up the advertisements and things like that and they are forcing it down people's throats and it is getting harder and harder for people in God's church to become separate from these things because everywhere you go now it is being thrown in our faces. But we have to work at it; and it is a shame, but that is the way this country is going, and the whole world, in fact, and God will bring judgment down upon them.
II Corinthians 6:14-17 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they shall be My people." Therefore "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you."
It is a major distraction for a saint to become entrenched in the world's social networks. It always conflicts with God's way of life. Our higher priorities concern our own families and brethren. Some people get so involved with serving world communities that they neglect their relationship with God, their families, and the church.
Jesus mentions this principle on the occasion of Mary of Bethany using expensive oil to rub on Jesus' feet. The disciples ridiculed her for wasting it on our Savior. They claim if she would have sold it for a large amount of money it could be given to the poor. That sounded so good, did it not? It is the way the world reasons. "Well, it's doing something for the poor." "We're doing something for children." Mark 14:7 says, "For you have the poor with you always and whenever you wish, you may do them good. But Me you do not have always." That is the same case with us today as far as neglecting our Bible study, worshipping God at services, or serving His people in the church.
Jesus did not criticize the disciples because they were concerned about the poor. He was concerned about the poor and we should be too. He was cautioning them against missing their opportunity to serve and worship Him and have our priorities straight. They would always have opportunities to help the poor, but they would not always be able to serve and worship Him in person there. And that carries over in principle to today when we neglect Him by letting other priorities push Him aside.
Please turn back to Titus 3. We are being trained as leaders and teachers in God's Kingdom so it is a requirement for us to learn to set the right priorities in our lives. Now, a good citizen of heaven serves God, his family, and the brethren first—in that order. Then, in a very limited way, we give wise service to the outside community by being ready to come to a person's aid who is in genuine need.
Titus 3:2 to speak evil of no one, to be peaceful, gentle, showing all humility to all men.
The fourth qualification for the good citizen of heaven is to speak evil of no one. We must be careful in speech, that is, refraining from slander. No one should say anything about another person he would not want to have said about him.
Please turn to James.
James 3:11-12 Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another?
A good Christian citizen is as careful with the words he speaks as with the things he does.
The fifth qualification from Titus 3:2 for the good citizen of heaven is we are to be peaceful. Some translators interpret this as tolerant, or avoiding quarreling, or refraining from contention.
Flip over, if you will, to I Timothy 2. Although we may be confident, we are not aggressive in our interactions with others. We encourage and maintain peace in our relations. Paul explains our duty in encouraging and bringing about peace in our own life here in I Timothy 2.
I Timothy 2:1-4 Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men, for kings and all who are in authority, that we may lead a quiet and peaceful life in all goodness and reverence. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.
The Greek word here means "not a fighter." We are not in prideful competition with others in our communications, physical activity, and accomplishments. We will not fight for false or unrighteous causes. We stand for the principles we know are right, but we are never so opinionated as to believe that only our way is right every time.
The sixth qualification in Titus 3:2 for the good citizen of heaven is gentleness. We are kind and considerate. The Greek word here describes the person who considers not only the letter of the law, but especially the spirit of the law, that is, the intention behind it. We are always ready to avoid injustice, which often lies in being strictly just without mercy. Judgment and moderation may be another way of expressing it. The principle of gentleness expresses the mercy of the divine Judge, whose refraining from exacting the full demands of the law lifts those who would otherwise be crushed under its condemnation. This is the attitude we must have toward one another if we expect to be in God's Kingdom.
Chastising the Pharisees, Jesus charged them with harsh judgments.
Matthew 12:7 "But if you had known what this means, 'I desire mercy and not sacrifice,' you would not have condemned the guiltless."
So gentleness acts to maintain peace and patience even in the midst of exasperating annoyances.
The seventh qualification in Titus 3:2 for the good citizen of heaven is showing all humility to all men. Now, this phrase is rendered "to show perfect courtesy toward all men," and it is rendered that way in both the ESV and the RSV versions. This is from a Greek root word that describes the man or woman, but primarily men, whose character, whose temperament is always under complete control. It implies courteous consideration. And I said it is primarily to the men because men have more struggle with that, have a harder time with that. We know when to be righteously angry and when not to be angry, we patiently bear wrongs done to us, but are always considerately ready to spring into action with help for those who are wronged.
All seven of these qualities of a good citizen of heaven are perfectly reflected in the life of Jesus Christ. And these qualities are possible only for the person in whose heart and mind God is first and in whom Christ dwells. This is the person who submits to God and lives according to the teachings of Jesus Christ.
Now please turn back to Titus 3, if you will. Paul has balanced out his emphasis that all saints must maintain good works by explaining that we are saved according to God's mercy. God's creative work through His Spirit on our character enables us to have true righteous conduct.
Titus 3:3 For we ourselves were also once foolish, disobedient, deceived, serving various lusts and pleasures, living in malice and envy, hateful and hating one another.
When Paul says we were also once foolish, he means we were without spiritual understanding. And next in his list is disobedient, which is directly towards God; and deceived, which is related to people. The Greek word for deceived refers to a false guide leading one astray. So it is not just a general deceiving. It is a targeting type of deceiving where somebody is intentionally attacked to deceive them. In other words, "serving various lust and pleasures."
The metaphor of slavery illustrates our former servitude to passions and pleasures. So the words living in malice and envy reflect the antisocial nature of our former lives, in a general sense. But you can really see it generally in the world. Both words emphasize wickedness. The concluding words, hateful and hating, show how quickly hate can multiply.
So, Titus 3:4-7 emphasizes the kindness, love, and mercy of God, who saves us not by works of righteousness which we have done. Nevertheless, the need for good works due to salvation is stressed six times in these three chapters of Titus. It is stressed in Titus 1:16; 2:7, 14; and 3:1, 18, and 14.
Continuing on in Titus 3.
Titus 3:4-7 But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward men appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy, He saved us through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior, that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
The vibrancy of our life in Christ comes first from the realization that we were once no better than other unconverted people. Christian goodness does not make us proud, it makes us tremendously grateful. When we look at others living worldly lives, we should not regard them as with contempt. It comes from realizing what God has done for us in Jesus Christ. They have the same potential when God calls them and they repent.
Now, Paul mentioned seven wonderful facts about God's work in us. I am just going to go through these rather quickly.
One, Jesus Christ came to reveal God the Father and His plan of salvation through His Son to us and to put us into a new relationship with the Father.
Two, the love and grace of God to us are gifts that no one could ever earn. They can only be accepted in faith and obedience with humble thankfulness, and we must make the best of them. If we do not use them, we will lose them.
Three, this love and grace of God to us is mediated by Jesus Christ through the church and they come through the washing of the water of baptism and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit by the laying on of hands. We deliberately leave one way of life and enter another, or if we have grown up attending God's church, we choose faithfulness to God's way of life while rejecting Satan and the world's way of life.
When I was counseled for baptism when I was 19 back in Ambassador College, Dean Blackwell explained to me the difference between someone that is growing up in the church and decides they want to be baptized and a person who has just started attending a few weeks or months before and they want to be baptized. And that is that the one who grew up in the church and then decides they want to be baptized, they know what to do. They pretty much know what God expects. Almost, not quite completely but, you know, in a major sense. And so they are deciding that they know what they are to do and that is what they are going to do from that point on, both from the heart as well as in action. But the person who just comes into the truth a few weeks or months before he wants to be baptized, there has to be faith first of all, and humility, and they are deciding when they get baptized, whatever I find out is God's truth and what He expects of me, I am going to do.
So, there is faith in both situations, but there is a slight difference in the decision that is being made. One is more knowledgeable, the other is just not blindly going into it, but accepting whatever the truth is. So both can be admired in its own way but it is always a greater conversion when somebody has just come out of the world and they want to be baptized; and their mind is right and they become baptized and the change is so tremendous. And so it is a wonderful miracle and it is probably the greatest miracle that happens in our life.
In this connection, Paul uses two words. He mentions regeneration. When we accept Christ as our Savior and Lord, it is as if our life begins all over again. There is a newness of life that can be likened only to a new birth. Regeneration is the process of being spiritually converted and spiritually begotten—put in a new and better condition.
Paul also mentions renewing. It is as if life were worn out and when we are called and discover Christ, there is an act of renewal which is not over and done with but repeats itself every day.
Four, the love and grace of God to us are mediated by Jesus Christ through the church, but it is done by the power of God's Spirit. All the work of the church, all the words of the church, and all the ordinances of the church are inoperative and ineffective unless the power of the Holy Spirit is there. It is the mind and essence of the divine nature and the spirit extension of God through which He carries out His will. God's Spirit empowers the mind to comprehend spiritual matters, producing conversion. So it leads us to all truth, convicts us of sin and righteousness, imparts faith, the love of God, the power to overcome sin, and also to receive other gifts essential to do His will.
Five, is the effect of all this is that it brings forgiveness for all past sins and any genuinely repented of in the future. In His mercy, God does not hold our forgiven sins against us, but we do still have to continue throughout our lives overcoming sins. Remember that we have been forgiven for our sins and that it should move us to be in awe of the forgiving mercy of God.
Six, the effect is also present in life. The grace of God is not confined to what will be, it offers us here and now a more excellent way of life. It is a quality of life never before seen. And when Christ enters a person's life and He is accepted as our Lord and Savior, we begin to live for the first time truly, that is, with the spiritual help of God the Father and Jesus Christ.
Seven, there is the hope of even greater things for us. The best is always still to come. And we have hope in knowing that no matter how blessed we are now, no matter how wonderful life on earth with Christ may seem for some, the life to come will be even greater yet. So this hope helps us to put our lives in proper perspective because we know the wonder of past sins forgiven, the thrill of present life with Christ, and the hope of the greater life, which is still to come. Hope fills our life when we have God's Holy Spirit.
Titus 3:8 This is a faithful saying, and these things I want you to affirm constantly, that those who have believed in God should be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable to men.
This faithful saying relates to Paul's previous four verses and these things are what Paul advises Titus to emphasize to the church, which is all that there was in the previous part of the letter. The advice is simple. We as members of the church should commit ourselves to doing what is good. It seems simple, we all have it memorized, but it is one of the hardest things to do continuously and consistently. But with God's Holy Spirit dwelling in us, we have the power to do it.
Now, these admonishments are directed toward those who have believed and trusted in God. A true belief is an indispensable basis for the right ordering of conduct. The specific purpose is to encourage believers to be careful and we must have a thoughtful approach to maintain good works. Good works require good character. Good manners and proper etiquette display virtuous character.
The writer Walter Johnson is credited with saying, "To excel is to go beyond the average and at times to achieve the best! If non-Christians enlist so much energy and excellence, can Christians afford the luxury of anything less than their best?"
The writer Ted Engstrom is credited with saying, "It takes action to achieve excellence—deliberate, careful, relentless action—there are no shortcuts to quality."
Colossians 3:17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.
So if excellence is going beyond the norm and sometimes achieving perfection, then we can understand excellence by considering what it means to be average. To be average is to be mediocre, which is defined as "neither very good nor very bad; a peak of middle quality, ordinary—in a word, lukewarm."
Revelation 3:16 "So then because you are lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will vomit you out of My mouth."
That is a very strong statement, very direct, and it is meant to wake us up and shake us up, especially in this world of distractions and challenges and compromise. We must prevent ourselves from becoming lukewarm.
What can we do to polish the display of our virtuous character? Here are seven ways we can fine tune the display of our virtuous character and our interaction with others.
The first is that we should try to understand the other person's perspective. Virtuous character displays itself when we try to get to know and understand others to discover their interests and their needs. First, try to understand the other person, then try to be understood by them. This requires such qualities as compassion and kindness and consideration. Proverbs 19:22 says, "What is desired in a man is kindness," paraphrasing an old piece of wisdom: Do not criticize someone else until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Everyone has heard that in some variation or another. Visualize yourself in their life with the challenges that they face.
People look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart and mind. So we must look deep inside others to understand their motivations and cares. We can partially understand how others feel by how we would feel in their situation. If you totally lost your job, how does the other person that you are praying about feel having lost their job. If it is a man that has lost his job, he feels inadequate, he feels less than worthless, and on and on. We try to put ourselves in their shoes when we pray for them and we can partially understand how others feel by how we would feel in the situation. And so Jesus tells us as recorded in Luke 6:31, "Just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise."
The second is we should pay attention to the little things when interacting with others. Please turn with me to Proverbs 15. Let us compare, for example, those who are poor listeners and those who are incessant talkers. Both are ignoring the little things resulting in disrespect and rudeness. Everyone has had an occasional or ongoing problem with poor listening and or incessant talking. In Proverbs 15 we are going to cherry pick verses out of it.
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a but a harsh word stirs up anger.
That is good advice, as is all the Scripture.
Proverbs 15:2 The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. [Pours forth gives you the feeling of water flowing over a waterfall or a lot of words.]
Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.
Proverbs 15:7 The lips of the wise disperse knowledge, but the heart of the fool does not do so.
Proverbs 15:23 A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, and a word fitly spoken in due season, how good it is!
Philip Dormer Stanhope, fourth Earl of Chesterfield and British Statesman, wrote the following statement in a letter to his son in 1752. Now, if you young people think that that is too old to take advice from or it does not apply today, well, I will let you stand judge over this statement as I read it. He says,
I have seen many people who, while you are speaking to them, instead of looking at and attending to you, fix their eyes upon the ceiling or some other part of the room, look out of the window, play with the dog, twirl their snuff box, or pick their nose. [thought they had more etiquette back then!] Nothing discovers a little, futile, frivolous mind more than this, and nothing is so offensively ill-bred.
Although over 270 years old (as that statement was), this letter still expresses time-enduring wisdom: simply that it is offensive to not pay attention to what the other person is saying and that it may make the distracted listener seem like an airhead. But in all fairness, some people drone on and on and on with incessant talking while saying little or nothing of value, causing our eyes to glaze over. Benjamin Franklin, in Poor Richard's Almanac said, "It is ill manners to silence a fool and cruelty to let him go on." That expresses the dilemma.
There is a danger that some of us dissipate much energy by talking too much. Please turn with me to I Timothy 1. Long drawn out conversations can be very exhausting for the speaker and the listener. Incessant talking can result from excitement, nervousness, psychological or spiritual problems such as pride, superiority, self-absorption, or numerous other issues. Energy is dissipated and wasted through mere empty purposes in conversation and silly arguments. Sometimes idle talk is a loveless act.
I Timothy 1:5-6 Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith, from which some, having strayed, have turned aside to idle talk.
The original Greek term translated as idle talk in verse 6 in the New King James Version and vain jangling in the King James Version signifies empty or vain talking; discussions that are of no value; a great many words and little sense; senselessly waxing eloquent; and foolish opinions not worth hearing. So we have to discipline ourselves and also our children in this manner because it starts earlier on in life. There are many appropriate times when children should be seen and not heard.
Now, I know that is an offensive statement to this world, this society, because children are not to be punished, they are not to be told that they are wrong. They are just to be kept in "safe spaces." But that is totally against God's way of life. So there are many appropriate times when children should be seen and not heard. Impetuous children are ill-mannered and disrespectful.
We would be wise to follow the exhortation of the Scriptures. James 1:19 says, "So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath." We are responsible for displaying courteous consideration in conversations which all good manners require, whether we are the speaker or the listener. Proverbs 25:11 says, "A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver, how pleasant it is."
I put that in here long ago. In fact, I actually extracted it out of an old sermon I gave almost 20 years ago. So it is not that I am thinking of anybody specifically, but I thought when I put it into this rough copy three or four weeks ago, well, we all are guilty of these things. So I thought it would be wise to put it in there. I can certainly say I have been guilty of some of these things as well.
We are responsible, and we need to take that responsibility seriously. Even in conversations, virtuous character displays great and little kindnesses and courtesies.
The third way we can fine tune the display of our virtuous character is, we should always keep commitments. Commitments include agreeing to help with a move and showing up when we say we will. Fulfilling commitments at Sabbath services such as showing up on time (and all church related activities). A virtuous character displays kept promises because people build their hopes around promises and to dash hope is a hurtful thing. So if we cannot keep a promise, we should apologize and work out an alternative or not promise in the first place. Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay, as the King James version states it.
The principle is, are you a man or a woman of your word?
Keeping commitments and promises is a matter of faithfulness. It is a fruit of the Spirit. Faithfulness is dependability, loyalty, and stability, especially as it describes God in His relationship with members of His church. The faithfulness of God and His Word is especially prominent in Psalms 89 and 119.
Deuteronomy 7:9 "Therefore know that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and mercy for a thousand generations with those who love Him and keep His commandments."
Can we even keep a promise or commitment for a lifetime? He can for eternity. So we are trying to imitate Jesus Christ, as well as God the Father, who are alike. That takes a lot of work. And thankfully, we have the help of God's Holy Spirit.
This aspect of God's nature also belongs to Jesus Christ who is clothed with faithfulness and who is described as Faithful and True, the faithful witness, and the faithful High Priest in various scriptures.
God's faithfulness is the source of our deliverance from temptation, our assurance of salvation, and our forgiveness of sins. He is faithful to His children because He is first of all faithful to Himself.
II Timothy 2:13 If we are faithless, He remains faithful; He cannot deny Himself.
The fourth is that we should make clear what our expectations are and what we expect to happen.
Please turn with me to I Corinthians 14. Virtuous character displays clear intentions to ensure that expectations are always explicit and upfront. It is common courtesy to others to make our directions, instructions, and information easy to understand.
I Corinthians 14:6-9 [this is the section about tongues, meaning languages] But now, brethren, if I come to you speaking with tongues [or languages], what shall I profit you unless I speak to you either by revelation, by knowledge, by prophesying, or by teaching? Even things without life, whether flute or harp, when they make a sound, unless they make a distinction in the sounds, how will it be known what is piped or played? For if the trumpet makes an uncertain sound, who will prepare for battle? [verse 9 is what I want to emphasize] So likewise you, unless you utter by the tongue words easy to understand, how will it be known what is spoken? For you will be speaking into the air.
Now, I am just going to refer to a few scriptures here and not read them for the sake of time. But God sets us the perfect example of clarity. We find that in Deuteronomy 28:1-3. He says, "Blessed shall you be." And then He clearly lists the blessings. He leaves us no doubt what will happen if we are obedient to Him. Then in Deuteronomy 28:15-16 are the curses on disobedience. And He does the same thing in verse 16, "Cursed shall you be." And then He clearly lists the curses and what we can expect as a nation, or as individuals. And then we will turn to this next one.
Leviticus 26:3-4 "If you walk in My statutes and keep My commandments, and perform them, then I will give you rain in its season, the land shall yield its produce, and the trees of the field shall yield their fruit."
Leviticus 26:14-17 "But if you do not obey Me, and do not observe all these commandments, and if you despise My statutes, or if your soul abhors My judgments, so that you do not perform all My commandments, but break My covenant, I also will do this to you: I will even appoint terror over you, wasting disease and fever which shall consume the eyes and cause sorrow of heart. And you shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it. I will set My face against you, and you shall be defeated by your enemies. Those who hate you shall reign over you, and you shall flee when no one pursues you."
And then I will refer to Revelation 2:7 where it says, "He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the midst of the Paradise of God."
To Him who overcomes is clearly repeated to each of the seven churches. God is very clear in His instruction. He is very clear to us and what we are to be doing in our life today. And one of the major things is to overcome sins and weaknesses and whatever else we may have that are hindering us from obeying God.
Fifth, we should always show personal integrity. Virtuous character displays integrity which generates trust. Honesty is conforming our words to reality, that is, telling the truth, while integrity is conforming reality to our words, that is, keeping promises and fulfilling expectations.
Leaders show integrity when they are loyal to those who are not present, and when they treat everyone with the same set of principles, and when they avoid deceptive and evil communication. In contrast, falsehood tends to loosen the bonds of friendships in the church. And so Paul says in Ephesians 4:25, "Therefore, putting away lying, 'Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,' for we are members of one another."
It is interesting to observe in the human body a definite harmony. The eye never deceives the hand, or the hand the foot, or the heart the lungs. The whole body moves harmoniously as if you could put the utmost confidence in the other.
Sixth, we should always apologize for failing to come through on our word. This is similar to the one earlier but not exactly the same. Virtuous character displays a quick apology from the heart when we fail, not just out of pity, but genuine regret for letting down the person. Sorrow is necessary for discipline and developing finer feelings and sensitivities. Ecclesiastes 7:3 says, "Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made glad," or the margin says "better."
Apologizing helps us to sympathize and be equally serious about the concerns of others. Whether those concerns are pleasant or sorrowful, apologizing is often the result of repentance.
II Corinthians 7:10-11 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you.
So godly sorrow produces repentance, which often inspires an apology.
The seventh and final one is, we should always show unconditional love. We are familiar with this and we often include it in our sermonettes and sermons but it is still necessary to mention. And because it is of the utmost importance, virtuous character displays love toward others without conditions, without any strings attached.
People who love and are loved, feel safe and secure. I John 4:18 says, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love." So when a person feels respectfully acknowledged, he feels that his essential worth, integrity, and identity are intact. He no longer fears that he is inadequate or useless.
Godly love for one another is the primary proof of true spiritual conversion. I John 4:7, a few scriptures earlier than that, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God."
Let us begin to wrap this up. Our virtuous character is displayed in our courteous consideration of others. It is always polite and the secret of true politeness is benevolence or a desire to make others happy. And we should be the politest of people, being God's people.
We see little or no evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in bitter attitudes and lasting resentments. We see none in rudeness or arrogance or callousness, none in violating the rules of good manners.
There is counterfeit humility and empty politeness which is not of any value whatsoever to the elect of God. Our politeness must be based on kindness, as the apostle Paul encourages.
Colossians 3:12-15 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful.
For a final scripture, turn please to Ephesians 4. Courteous considerations should result in love and goodwill, and a desire for the well being of others. This will prompt the kind of conduct that will make our interaction and conversation with others pleasant and profitable.
Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Tenderhearted means having a heart inclined to sympathy and compassion, and especially inclined to show kindness concerning the faults of erring fellow church members. No one is perfect and actually it is these quirks, these idiosyncrasies, that make human life fascinating and make relationships so wonderfully interesting.
The quality of courteous consideration is perfectly reflected in the life of Jesus Christ. Followers of Christ must always use appropriate conduct, remembering that Jesus did not condemn when He was condemned but spoke gently and respectfully to those with whom He came in contact.
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