Sermon: The Purpose of the Marriage Relationship

#1682
Martin G. Collins
Given 26-Nov-22; 68 minutes

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The Bible shows marriage as the primary bond of society, the foundation of social life. Prior to a society there must be families, and before a family there exists a marriage. From the beginning a marriage was a bond between two people—male and female—and it still exists that way today. Nothing else can be called truly a marriage.

When we think of Bible images of marriage, we think first of the famous couples: Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz, Solomon and his Shulamite bride, Esther and the king, Mary and Joseph. The list can go on.

From the Bible's descriptions of such couples, along with passages of clear teaching about marriage, we receive an expanded picture of what marriage is. Its basic components are these: divine institution, companionship, romantic relationship, sexual union, covenant, joint livelihood, parenting, and shared relationship with the Father and Jesus Christ. So there is more to marriage than what the world sees as marriage because we are in the church and we have God's Holy Spirit. We can see the depth of marriage through these things and we will pick up on these things as we go through the sermon.

The foundation on which all additional images of marriage are placed is the basic principle that in marriage two become one. (There is a tie-in directly to the sermonette. So God is active today in organizing all of this.)

Matthew 19:3-6 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" And He answered and said to them "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."

That should raise the hair up on the back of our necks because this really indicates the importance of marriage. "Joining" accordingly plays a central role in the purpose of marriage. Husband and wife are joined together by God. And this is something that is totally disregarded in this world that we live in.

Now, the general framework into which the Bible places marriage is its institution by God. In other words, marriage was God's idea for the human race to teach us the type of relationship the church will and must have with Christ.

Notice the first original, fundamental, basic rule of all in the husband, wife, and family relationship. When God first created man upon the earth, He ordained the marriage union. The marriage and family institution is basic in God's purpose for mankind, and human beings and marriage were created together. Marriage was not instituted by humans nor by the authority or promulgation of a manmade legislative or lawmaking body. In the creation story, it is God Himself who decided that man needed a mate and marriage is by God's authority only.

Genesis 2:18-24 And the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave his names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept; and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; and she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of the man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

So right from the beginning, God established this. It is important beyond even our understanding, I believe.

The Lord God brought Eve to Adam after creating her directly from Adam, in effect, pronouncing the first marriage union. And since God is a Family of persons, He is reproducing Himself. Faithfulness to the marriage and family relationship is the reason for the creation of human beings.

The purpose for the marriage relationship is so that we may ultimately enter God's Kingdom with the right perspective of a divine Family. So the family relationship demands a husband and wife relationship and that demands faithfulness to the matrimonial bond. So human marriage is the type of the divine marriage essential to Jesus Christ setting up God's Kingdom on earth.

God is consistent! He does not ordain faithfulness forever in a marriage to Christ and then prepare us for that marriage by ordaining unfaithfulness with divorce and remarriage. During this God-ordained preparatory period, the pivotal reason for the marriage relationship in this human life is to prepare us by faithfulness now for that eternally faithful marriage state then.

In the Scriptures, we are constantly reminded of our sacred relationship to Christ and the conviction and commitment we are required to have to our never-ending marriage to Him. How much sense would it make to teach us to be eternally faithful and then by ruling that we may be unfaithful now, divorcing and remarrying. God has given no such law at all! He has allowances. But there is no law that says that that is to be done except under certain circumstances.

Now, one of the most important purposes in our human lives now is that we learn the sanctity, the sacredness, and the permanence of the marriage bond. And of course God has not willed that every human must marry. That is very clearly stated in I Corinthians 7. And even though it was God who said "It is not good that man should be alone" in Genesis 2:18, it would be far better to live alone than to be yoked to what might be an unconverted, contentious, and hateful person. God desires peace in marriages because the fruit of the Spirit is sown in peace.

Everyone should take marriage so seriously that a wrong marriage is not made in the first place. If this truth were known by all, there would be few mis-mated marriages. On the other hand, if this truth were more thoroughly realized, married partners would choose to try harder to make their marriages happy.

But whether married or single all need to learn that marriage is the type of the coming divine marriage to Christ. Ephesians 5:31 says, "For this reason. . ." that is, because of the coming divine marriage of the church to Christ. Verse 27 says, "that He might present herself to Him a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish." For this reason, God ordained the marriage institution for humans. (I am going to cover more of that later.)

Throughout the Bible, God's relationship to His people is pictured as a marriage, and in this metaphor, Jesus Christ is the husband and His people are His wife. It is not that God is male or that there are no female images of God in the Bible. Isaiah 63:13 says God comforts His people like a mother does her children. "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you; and you shall be comforted in Jerusalem."

In Israelite society, the man was the head of the household and so within the marriage metaphor, it is understandable that God is cast in the role of husband and father. Psalm 68:5 calls God, "A father of the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy habitation."

In Malachi he speaks of marriage as a covenant, that is, "wife by covenant," a relationship that is built on mutual love, but is expressed in a legal form.

Malachi 2:14-16 Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. "For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one's garments with violence," says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously."

He is showing us there how not to commit the sin of divorce. Why did God not make more than one wife for Adam or more than one husband for Eve? Because godliness is linked to marriage faithfulness. Divorce, which is itself a sin, leads to other sins. And that is why God hates divorce.

Now, when Israel broke its covenant with God, it was equated to breaking the marriage bond.

Jeremiah 31:31-32 "Behold, the days are coming, says the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah—not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in that day that I took them by hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt, My covenant which they broke, though I was a husband to them, says the Lord."

So this New Covenant will be different in that it will not be broken, as Israel and Judah broke the first one despite God's faithfulness as a good husband. Now, this is the only Old Testament passage to use the term specifically a new covenant.

The prophet Ezekiel developed the metaphor of marriage as a spiritual symbol to its greatest extent, and he dedicated two long chapters to recounting the perversity of Israel's relationship to God using sexual terms. There is an illustration of Ezekiel's argument in Ezekiel 23. Ezekiel describes two sisters and identifies the first as Oholah, with Samaria, and the second, Oholibah, with Jerusalem. These sisters became prostitutes in Egypt.

God then complains that Oholah lusted after Assyrian soldiers, i.e. foreign religious beliefs (this is a metaphor), even when He was still married to her. As a result, He simply gave her to them, gave her over to sin, and they humiliated her and then killed her.

Ezekiel 23:5-10 Oholah played the harlot even though she was Mine; and she lusted for her lovers, the neighboring Assyrians, who were clothed in purple, captains and rulers, all of them desirable young men, horsemen riding on horses. And thus she committed her harlotry with them, all of them choice men of Assyria; and with all for whom she lusted, and with all their idols, she defiled herself.

She has never given up her harlotry brought from Egypt, for in her youth they had lain with her, pressed her virgin bosom, and poured out their immorality upon her. Therefore I have delivered her into the hand of her lovers, into the hand of the Assyrians, for whom she lusted. They uncovered her nakedness, took away her sons and daughters, and slew her with the sword; and she became a byword among women, for they had executed judgment on her.

This is in a sense what this nation has been doing spiritually in disobeying God, in rejecting Him, thumbing their nose at Him, and going through all types of not just sexual immorality, but also spiritual idolatry and all the rest. And sadly there will be judgment executed on this nation as well.

Oholibah, representing Judah, did not learn a lesson from her sister's fate. She found herself attracted to the Babylonians, that is, the foreign religious beliefs, and her rejection of the marriage bed or covenant was intense. In the end, God judged His unfaithful wife as He did Oholah. Other prophets also expressed the resemblance of Israel's unfaithfulness to a broken marriage covenant.

Turn over with me to Jeremiah once again. God remembered when His relationship with Israel was good. He used terms like devotion here.

Jeremiah 2:2 "Go and cry in the hearing of Jerusalem, saying, 'Thus says the Lord: "I remember you, the kindness of your youth [that is during the 40 years of their wandering in the period of Joshua and the judges], and the love of your betrothal, when you went after Me in the wilderness, in a land not sown."

But later Israel committed spiritual adultery. Adultery is idolatry as Jeremiah 3 makes clear.

Jeremiah 3:6 The Lord said also to me in the days of Josiah the king: "Have you seen what backsliding [that is, faithless] Israel has done? She has gone up on every high mountain and under every green tree, and there played the harlot [that is, committed adultery which also is idolatry].

It is interesting. It says under every green tree and what are we running into is idolatry today. The environmental movement. So very little has changed in the mentality of people since ancient Israel was way she was and still is sadly.

Jeremiah 3:7-14 And I said, after she had done all these things, 'Return to Me,' but she did not return. And her treacherous sister Judah saw it. Then I saw that for all the causes for which backsliding Israel had committed adultery, I had put her away and given her a certificate of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but went and played the harlot also.

So it came to pass, through her casual harlotry, that she defiled the land and committed adultery with stones and trees. [there again, the worship of the environment] And yet for all this, her treacherous sister Judah has not turned to Me with her whole heart, but in pretense," says the Lord. Then the Lord said to me, "Backsliding Israel has shown herself more righteous than treacherous Judah. [that is because Israel did not have the example to look back on that Judah had to see what had happened to Israel, but still both were wrong and both had sinned]

Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say: 'Return, backsliding Israel, says the Lord; I will not cause My anger to fall on you. For I am merciful,' says the Lord; 'I will not remain angry forever. Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God, and have scattered your charms to the alien deities under every green tree, and you have not obeyed My voice,' says the Lord. "Return, O backsliding children," says the Lord; "for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion."

So that is quite clear on the metaphor used there of a marriage and adultery and so forth in a spiritual sense as well.

Isaiah too made the connection between idolatry and adultery and it is recorded in Isaiah 50:1 that God divorced his wife Israel because of her adultery. However, Isaiah also speaks to Israel's future salvation as a restoration of the marriage relationship.

Isaiah 54:5-8 For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused," says your God. "For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you," says the Lord your Redeemer.

The whole of Isaiah 54 speaks of this. In verse 10, the covenant of peace is mentioned connecting it to the marriage covenant. All marriages must be nurtured in peace.

Isaiah 54:10 "For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

So the prophets express the marriage metaphor most dramatically. But the principle can be discerned elsewhere in the Old Testament as well. In the Pentateuch, we read of God's jealousy, an emotion that is only proper to an exclusive relationship like marriage.

The use of the marriage covenant relationship between God and His people continues here in the New Testament. The apostle Paul was concerned for the Corinthians about this faithlessness causing spiritual adultery. He said the Corinthians may tolerate the spiritual adultery, but he was going to try to stop the false ministers who may try to make them lust after false doctrines.

II Corinthians 11:1-4 Oh, that you would bear with me in a little folly—and indeed you do bear with me [Paul speaking]. For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ. But I fear, lest somehow, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, so your minds may be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ. For if he who comes preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or if you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted—you may well put up with it.

II Corinthians 11:12-15 But what I do, I will also continue to do, that I may cut off the opportunity from those who desire an opportunity to be regarded just as we are in the things of which we boast [meaning false teachers]. For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into apostles of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.

Paul worked hard to make the church spiritually undefiled from the enticements of other religious beliefs, so that the church could marry Christ. He looked at the relationship as an existing betrothal. We are not as familiar in this society with betrothals as we were 100 years ago or more, but a betrothal is as serious or almost as serious as a marriage. Once betrothed, you have made a promise. God does allow of course us getting out of that. It does not hold the same weight as a marriage, but it used to be that betrothals were as though you had one foot in the marriage, so to speak, but that has lost its meaning in this society. All I am saying is betrothals are very serious promises that are made.

God's church is spiritual and it is the betrothed bride of Christ. It is not limited to or confined by organizational or political lines drawn by men. The various groups of the greater church of God have similar doctrines, but different personalities and so other church groups are more lax I would say, or very lax on the idea of of remarriage after divorce. And there are aspects allowed for that, but as Herbert Armstrong himself complained to the ministry at that time that they were too liberal on how they were dealing with such things. And so each case has to be looked at individually. God does allow it, but He still thinks of it as sin and He hates it. Some things are worse than divorce in sin. There are greater and lesser sins. So anyway, He does allow it at times.

In the book of Ephesians, Paul instructs wives to submit to and respect their own husband like they do Jesus Christ. And husbands are to love, nourish, and cherish their own wife like Christ does the church. You are very familiar with these scriptures, this passage, but it is fundamental to this sermon.

Ephesians 5:22-33 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

For this reason [as I read earlier in the sermon] a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The apostle Paul is dealing primarily with the responsibilities of husbands and wives, though in the last verse, we notice, he again reverts to the responsibilities of the wives toward their husbands so that he can present the truth concerning marriage as a whole and in a complete and balanced forum.

In applying all this, we have seen that the most important thing is to understand the spiritual principles concerning Christ and the church. And we, of all people, meaning God's people, should be those who think and reason, who use our mind, and therefore are able to choose wisely. We have to think things through in all areas of our life before we do it.

Now the essential unity between husband and wife, these two shall be made or become one flesh. This harmony is comparable to the unity between a man and his own body, and to the spiritual union between Christ and the church. It is talking about how much a man or a woman will do to preserve their own body from damage or injury or accident and that type of thing—that you look out for your own body as carefully as you can or should. And that is the way that men are to look after their women—as precious beyond explanation or beyond description.

I want to take a shift in the sermon here and I would like to spend the rest of our time learning some practical applications of good marriage principles. I am going to begin with an article by a rabbi who I have quoted before, Rabbi Daniel Lapin. He has a something called Thought Tools that he has essays in and he does a wonderful job of giving practical application to biblical principles and things like that. He is also a marriage counselor. The advice he has to give here, I just could not crystallize it in my own mind to be able to write it down, nor did I have the time. So I am just going to read the article to you and I really do think you will find it helpful. And men hold onto your seats because it has quite a bit about you men and husbands.

In his September 7th, 2016 Thought Tools essay titled, "Wonderful Wives, Lesser Husbands," Rabbi Daniel Lapin considers why many wives become disappointed in their husbands. (I immediately have every wife's attention.)

Wildly unpopular as the observation may be, the overwhelming majority of people who get into serious trouble with the police share certain important demographic similarities. These three characteristics are the only ones that matter: These people are male, they are not married, and few were raised in a stable home environment by a mother and father married to one another. And even the most rabid radical would have to admit that in general married people are healthier, wealthier, and happier than single men and women, and that the children of these stable marriages fare far better than those raised in domestic turbulence.

What is more, marriage and traditional family life correlates strongly with being law-abiding, self-disciplined, and industrious. So it's settled! Marriage is marvelous. If so, why are so many men reluctant to marry? That's an easy question to answer. [And this is not every case, but this is generally in society.] Fear! Every man knows some poor husband who when the honeymoon wore off found himself married to a sexless shrew; or even worse, undergoing a divorce from one. [He goes on to say] On another occasion, perhaps I'll have a chance to explain how in most of these sad marriages, it was the man whose mistakes caused the problem in the first place, and it was the husband who failed to fix it.

[But in this article] Western civilization acquired the custom of a wife assuming her husband's name from ancient biblical times. Part of the reason for this is that the husband has more power than the wife to shape the destiny of the marriage. This is why knowledgeable and experienced marriage counselors recognize that when marital troubles loom, culpability is seldom divided equally between the spouses. However, for now, I'm interested in marriages in which it is not the husband who feels deep disappointment, but the wife and paradoxically, there is not much she can directly do about it.

I am thinking of wives who married with their hearts overflowing with love. As time went by, things changed. In this Thought Tool, I am not going to address physical abuse or other unacceptable scenarios. I'm looking at milder but intensely painful disappointments. Wives find themselves married to men who embarrass and underperform and men who do not provide, men who lack masculinity and mastery, men with no money sense, and above all, men without discipline and ambition. So let us look at three biblical models: Samson's anonymous mother, Abigail, and Deborah.

Deborah was married to Lapidoth (Judges 4:4). Ancient Jewish wisdom tells us that he was chiefly attracted to the spiritual service of tending to ritual flames in the temple. We know nothing else of him and never hear of him again. Deborah fills the vacuum in her own home and then in the nation as a whole by continuing to develop her leadership qualities, finally becoming a judge and military leader in Israel.

Abigail constantly had to make excuses for her husband's boorishness. One example was provided (I Samuel 25:25). She also had to repair his sometimes fatal mistakes. Her husband's name was Nabal, which translates as despicable. [How would you like to have a husband named despicable?] Thus, Abigail defines the wife who finds herself married to a man who, for good reason, is disliked by his community and society.

Samson's mother was married to a passive man, Manoach (Judges 13:6). His name in Hebrew clearly indicates that he lacked drive, intelligence, and ambition. The entire story surrounding the birth of Samson confirms this by concealing her name. She is only referred to as the woman. Scripture teaches that she chose to deal with this disappointment by bossting her husband to the best of her ability, even to the point of obscuring her own identity.

Obviously, divorce is an option (as Deuteronomy 24:1 shows), however, nowhere in the Tanakh [or Old Testament] do we find an account of a couple divorcing. We know that divorce is a tragic but permissible solution, but what we need is guidance, short of divorce, for women in these distressing marriages. Without knowing the details of individual situations, it would be irresponsible to give specific advice. But with the help of Abigail, Mrs. Manoach, and Deborah, here are some general approaches that wives may find useful.

First, stop yourself from unhealthy indulging in daydreams and fantasies of the ideal man you wish you were married to. You can be assured that he too would come with drawbacks associated with the very qualities you now find attractive. Instead, make yourself focus on the qualities of your real-life husband possesses and which originally drew you to marry him. In other words, work to make the best of the situation.

Second, recognize that your husband might have gradually become the man he is now because of your style. For example, did you yearn for power and seek conspicuous success? If so, it's possible that he backed away from competing with you. You might be able to stimulate his return to the battleground by your own carefully considered strategic retreat. That may be politically incorrect, but it is true.

Third, know that you possess only limited power to change him directly. This may come as unwelcome news. . . [Only God can bring about change on a spiritual level. On a human level, it is also possible for a man to make certain changes in behaviors that you find so distressing if he observes and imitates other righteous men in the Bible and in the church.]

Fourth and finally, never underestimate the masculinizing impact on a man by your physical affection. Yes, marriage can be supremely satisfying, especially when strengthened by covenantal vows. The reciprocal granting of love within a framework of trustworthiness can transform the burdens of life into joy and fulfillment. In general, marriage is good for its participants and is wonderful for society, but a well-built and maintained marriage exceeds anything a mediocre marriage can deliver. Recognizing that our society's current ethos discourages greatness in men is one step to building a great marriage.

Moving on with other examples, we must choose to have a good marriage. This may seem obvious, but many people never plan to do anything constructive in their marriages. They just want to be served rather than serve others. To succeed in marriage we must decide to serve our spouse diligently and continuously, the same choices made in our commitment as the bride of Christ.

There are six principles about choosing to have a good marriage.

Number one: we choose to commit to our spouse for better or for worse.

All marriages have ups and downs, good times and bad. It is a good thing too because a life that is not changing and growing is not the kind of person you want to spend a lifetime with.

The church is a dynamic entity. Paul praised the Corinthians for their kindness and bright heartedness in giving at a time of great distress. He used the good example of the churches of Macedonia, that is, Philippi, Thessalonica, Berea, and others in the region of Macedonia to exhort the Corinthians and the Christians in Acacia to the good work of charity. He acquainted them with great liberality, which he called the grace of God bestowed on the churches.

II Corinthians 8:1 Moreover, brethren, we make known to you the grace of God bestowed on the churches of Macedonia:

Some Bible commentaries think the words in verse 1 should be rendered "the gift of God given in or by the churches." Either can be correct. Paul was talking about the charitable gifts of these churches which are called the grace or gifts of God, either because they were very large or because their charity to the poor saints proceeded from God as the author, and was accompanied with true love of God, which also was manifested in this way of giving. The grace of God must be the root of all good that is in us, or done by us; and it is bestowed on us. If we make ourselves useful to others, then God's grace is forwarded to others in any good work that we do.

II Corinthians 8:2 that in a great trial of affliction, the abundance of their joy and their deep poverty abounded in the riches of their liberality.

So Paul commended the charity of the Macedonians. And he knew they were distressed themselves in deep poverty, yet they continued to contribute to the relief of others. It was a time of great affliction for them, as described in Acts 18:17, where it says, "Then all the Greeks took the ruler of the synagogue and beat him before the judgment seat. But Galileo took no notice of these things."

The Christians in these parts suffered terrible persecution, which had reduced them to deep poverty. Yet as they had abundance of joy amidst tribulation, they thrived in their liberality and their service and their generosity, and they gave what they had, which was little—but trusted in God to provide for their own needs. Not only did they give out their poverty, but they gave a lot, that is, as liberally as if they had been rich and they made a large contribution that was according to and beyond their actual means to give.

II Corinthians 8:3-5 For I bear witness that according to their ability, yes, and beyond their ability, they were freely willing, imploring us with much urgency that we would give the gift and the fellowship of the ministering to the saints. And not only as we had hoped, but they first gave themselves to the Lord, and then to us by the will of God.

This is the type of loving sacrifice that makes our marriage successful. We must work with God while He develops this in us, so that we may grow in our betrothed relationship with Christ. In any successful marriage, both spouses must at times go beyond their normal power to serve one another. The Macedonians were very ready and anxious to do this good work. They chose to sacrifice, and they had given so much that they had to urge and persuade Paul to receive the gift for the distant brethren because Paul thought they were giving too much and did not want them to short themselves.

The Macedonians were very ready and anxious to do this good work. They chose the sacrifice and they had given so much. It seems Paul was reluctant not only because of their great sacrifice, but also because it was such a large amount. He was concerned that his enemies would try to accuse him of misusing the goods for his own benefit. He thought his enemies might accuse him of indiscretion and partiality in the distribution to the needed church. Paul had his attackers and they were always looking for things to pick at him regarding. And some of those were false teachers in the church.

The charity of the Macedonians were performed in a right way. First they submitted and humbled themselves before God, and then they gave their contributions by the will of God, that is, according to His will and then for His glory. And this, it seems, was more than Paul had expected or even hoped for.

Some of the lessons we can learn from the Macedonians that are applicable in marriage are these (just five brief lessons):

First, we sanctify our contributions to God's honor by first submitting ourselves to Him.

Second, by giving ourselves to God's use there is no better use for us.

Third, when we give ourselves to God, we give Him all we have to be called for and disposed of according to his will.

Fourth, whatever we use or lay out for God, it is only giving to Him what is already His.

Fifth, what we give will not be accepted by God or credited to our benefit unless we first submit and humble ourselves to Him.

So these lessons from II Corinthians 8:1-5 are what make our courting relationship with God work and these are foundational conditions to a successful marriage with Jesus Christ, with our physical mates, and our brethren. We must submit, give, and humble ourselves. We choose to commit to our spouse for better or for worse. That was the first one.

The second principle of choosing to have a good marriage is: we choose to speak or not to speak.

James 1:26 says, "If anyone among you thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue, but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless." So good communication is a necessity and a rarity in most marriages. Couples must preserve time in their day to really talk and really listen until the habit is formed. It will not happen naturally. Communication skills must be desired and cultivated to bring us closer to one another. That goes for our marriages, our family in the church, and our relationship with God.

Not only must we communicate, but it must be in a positive and uplifting way. It should be gentle and kind, without harsh words. Communicating with our spouse (and the brethren) must be done to learn how to know our spouse intimately, including his or her desires and interests. The church draws closer when it communicates with its future Husband through prayer.

Philippians 4:6-7 [Paul writes] Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The betrothed church's relationship with Christ thrives and relies on the intimacy of our individual communication with the present Family of God. So we choose to speak or not to speak

The third principle is: we choose to make our house a home.

The benefits of a loving home, a haven from the pressures of the world, and a place of comfort is what most families look for. When one person is overly burdened with the task, there is a lack of joy for the whole family. Couples need to figure out ways to partner in the care and daily routines of a home, and when all members of a family share in the care of the home, there is a spirit of togetherness, as well as a more smoothly run home.

The church is a haven from the cares of this world and to run smoothly it requires that everyone pitch in to care for one another and to do the work. Jesus Christ, the groom, is preparing His Father's house because it is there that the church's intimate relationship will flourish with her husband, Jesus Christ.

John 14:1-3 "Let not your heart be troubled, you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions [or offices or homes]; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also."

To have a home, we must be there often. If we are hardly ever there, it is not our home! We have all heard the saying, "Home is where the heart is." Spiritually our hearts must be with God; physically our hearts must be with our mates and our brethren. We choose to make our house a home.

We must strive to come before God as a unit, as a congregation. And unless we are sick and contagious so we should not be coming here, we should be here otherwise. Or there are some times when we go away from vacation and things like that, but we should make an effort to be here. And certainly the husband should try to be here if he is healthy, as he represents the family; and for a husband to stay home because maybe some other family member is sick, that might be questionable. But that is between that person and God.

Number four is: we choose to marry the whole family.

When you marry, you also marry your spouse's family and realize that many of the qualities that you love in your spouse come from the parents, and that the for 20 years or so before you came on the scene, your in-laws had the greatest influence on your spouse.

The Bible is clear about leaving your parents when you marry. But do you seek to have a meaningful loving relationship with your parents and in-laws?

Ephesians 4:1-3 I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

So we have a responsibility of bearing patiently with the idiosyncrasies and the faults and the sicknesses of others. This virtue requires a humble spirit and a good attitude when we feel provoked by others. It seems that no virtue is more frequently demanded in our contact with others.

Many people have a temperament different from our own. We are well aware of that. They may be optimistic or pessimistic or sad, while we may be the reverse. They may have peculiarities of taste, habits, disposition which differ from ours. They may have their own plans and purposes of life and their own way and time of doing things. They may be naturally irritable, or they may have learned different dialects or languages.

These distinctions are not limited to racial and ethnic differences. Neighbors have noted these things in their neighbors: friends in their friends; relatives in their relatives; in one church member in another. We are all different. We all have idiosyncrasies, we are all annoying in some area or another. We have to have patience with one another.

These distinctions are not limited. Everybody has them. Husband and wife can find enough idiosyncrasies in each other to embitter life. If they choose to magnify imperfections and to become irritated at trifles, it is possible for any friendship, no matter how close, to be marred in this way, if we allow it. We have to choose not to allow it.

In order for life to move on peacefully, we must learn to bear and forbear. So we have to gently indulge the friend that we love in the little oddities of speech and action that may be important to him or her but that may be of little interest to us. An attitude of fault-finding, a quick temper, constant irritability, or a dissatisfied or disapproving look that your husband or wife cannot distinguish the reason why, will more than neutralize all the good you do and render life miserable for both.

It is in such virtues as meekness and forbearance that peace and happiness exist rather than in great actions or sufferings alone. It is by the daily and quiet virtues of a Christian life, meekness, patience, and forgiveness that a husband, a wife, a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a friend, a neighbor, or a church member can cherish a family. We choose to marry the whole family.

Number five is: we choose to live in love.

The love we felt during the courtship days may change in style, but does not have to change in substance. Loving another person is a decision not based on circumstances, but on relationship. A loving outlook on life can shape all our dealings for the better.

I am not going to read I Corinthians 13:1-8 from the New King James that we normally use, but I thought since we have read it so many times, I would read it from the New Living Translation, which is a paraphrase rather than a direct translation, and expands on it somewhat.

I Corinthians 13:1-8 (NLT) If I could speak all the languages of earth and of the of angels, but did not love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor, and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I did not love others, I would have gained nothing. [and then the following verses are the fruit of love]

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps on no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Prophecy and speaking in unknown languages and special knowledge will become a little useless. But love will last forever.

That is so true about our marriage with Jesus Christ.

The last five scriptures are so important to a successful marriage they are used in our marriage ceremonies. And if you want to improve your marriage geometrically, use this passage as a checklist on how to treat your spouse.

There is a dire result in ignoring this. It may be that Christ will not want us as His Bride if we do not produce this list of fruit which is produced from above because God first loved us. And if we cannot properly love our spouse, we cannot properly love our brethren. And if we cannot properly love Jesus Christ, He will make ready those who humbly submit to Him. So we choose to live in love.

Number six is: we choose to stay till death do us part.

We were in Matthew 19 earlier in the beginning of the sermon. We are going to overlap one verse and continue on.

Matthew 19:6-9 "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and put her away?" He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced, commits adultery."

Divorce is not God-ordained. He allows it under a certain circumstance. Wanting out of a marriage needs to be seen as an ominous warning to quickly make changes in your marriage, not as the beginning of a separation or divorce. Instead of thinking about getting out, determine what must be put into a marriage to make it last.

Do not overlook the support of friends to help you and your spouse recommit to your marriage relationship.

Romans 7:2-4 For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulterous. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. Therefore, my brethren, you also have become dead to the law through the body of Christ, that you may be married to another [that is, married to Christ]—to Him who was who was raised from the dead, that we should bear fruit to God.

Jesus rose from the dead. He is alive and He is divine, as we will be. And He has been glorified. His eyes as flames of fire, His face bright as the sun, and that is what we may inherit—that and much more. And if we repent, believe with living faith, and accept Jesus Christ as our personal Savior and betrothed Husband, we receive God's gift of the Holy Spirit. The gift imparts to us the very life essence and mind of God. And if we grow spiritually, overcome, and endure, we will be changed from mortal to immortal at Christ coming.

I Corinthians 15:44-46 It is sown a natural body [speaking of our bodies], it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body. And so it is written, "The first man Adam became a living being." The last Adam [Christ] became a life-giving spirit. However, the spiritual is not first, but the natural, and afterwards the spiritual.

So we are in the natural right now and we are being trained in the spiritual and so we must prepare ourselves to be the Bride of Christ. So we choose to stay till death do us part. When we marry Christ, it will last forever.

Although human marriage is a physical union, it is nevertheless a divine institution. In everything God does, He has a reason; He has a definite purpose. So with the saints made immortal as the collective wife of Christ, the human mortals left alive on earth will be ruled by Christ and His saints. The human mortals will be taught and ruled by immortals and those who do repent and come to salvation through Christ receive God's gifts of His Spirit and will inherit the Kingdom of God and be married to Christ.

The marriage of the converted church to Jesus Christ will result in the begettal and birth of divine children—children who, during the 1,000 year reign of Christ, will be spirit-born and in all probability, awe-inspiring millions of them. Now, they will not be born to the spirit in the Millennium. They will be born and they will be given God's Holy Spirit to live with so that they can become children of God spiritually.

We must have a humble and serving attitude in our marriages and in our relationships with each other as brethren. If we expect to be worthy of the Kingdom of God, ask yourself these questions, Would Jesus want to be my spouse the way things are in my marriage right now? Would He want to be in my spouse's position in the way I treat my spouse presently? Can we expect that Jesus Christ will want to marry us as part of the Body, of the Bride of Christ? We have our responsibility with Jesus Christ's help to make us, that is, us as His Bride, ready.

Hebrews 2:9 informs us that the living Christ is already crowned with glory and honor. And He is the firstborn of many brethren leading those of us who have the Spirit. Jesus Christ is the Captain of our salvation. He is the Pioneer who has gone on ahead, leading the way as the Husband preparing the dwelling place for His wife.

For a final scripture, please turn to Revelation 19, verse 6. Before I end I just want to add one qualification, and that is, it talks about being sexually immoral as a reason for divorce. There is another reason mentioned (and I believe I read it in the scriptures that I read, but I did not emphasize), and that is, that divorce does damage or does violence to a marriage. And also violence causes divorces. So if there is violence in a marriage, that is also a possible reason for a valid divorce. But that again, has to be by individual basis, as far as determining that.

I just want to mention that the Bible does express both sexual immorality and violence as reasons. But the purpose of my sermon here is to emphasize do not get divorced. Do the best that you can possibly do not to get divorced, or even think of that because it is a sin. But God allows it and I believe that He allows it as a lesser sin because greater sins would be caused, possibly, if the person did not divorce themselves from the other. Just like Christ had to divorce Himself from Israel because He is holy and Israel was not. They were inappropriate as His wife.

Revelation 19, verse 6 describes when His faithful people will be united with Him forever in glory. This final union between God and His church is described as a marriage.

Revelation 19:6-9 And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters, and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, "Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready." And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, "Write: Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!" And he said to me, "These are the true sayings of God."

So we, collectively, will have the incredible opportunity to be the Bride of Christ, His wife, ruling with Him in an intimate Family relationship for eternity. May the Lord direct your paths, and the love of Christ, the love of God, help us with patience as Christ has patience.

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