Sermonette: Words Should Never Hurt Us

Our Response to Idle Words
#630s
Ted E. Bowling
Given 13-Sep-03; 13 minutes

Have you heard the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Anyone who has been stung by the lashing of another one's tongue will know that this is not always true. The wounds caused by sticks and stones heal. In many of our lives there have likely been times where we thought that the wounds caused by words sometimes would never heal. We understand, then, that words have a massive potential power upon us.

In Mark Baker's sermon last week, Mark showed the harm that can be inflicted by the tongue, and it is an amazing thing that an organ which was created for good can produce so much damage and heartache. Mark gave examples of how to guard the tongue and to overcome the destruction our words can cause others.

As members of God's church, what are we to do when destructive words come our way, and the words spoken to us out of malice or hate, we realize sometimes that it feels like we are getting a verbal stone hit up on the side of our heads.

Now, there are verses that I would like to take from this angle that are in Ecclesiastes 7.

Ecclesiastes 7:20-22 For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin. Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others.

Here at the end the word “others” means just another person, or even a stranger.” What Solomon the preacher is showing us through this section of scriptures in Ecclesiastes, and the section through chapter 7, is counsel for balancing life. Verse 20, here, shows that there is no one on the earth who does good, or does right all the time, and never makes a mistake. It is the character of a just man to do good, but that does not always happen in the way that we would like for it to.

Verse 21 begins with the word “also.” The word means, “in addition, likewise, furthermore.” It is a continuation from verse 20. It is a situation where we have sinned against others, and others have sinned against us. We are not to take to heart, or pay attention to everything people say, even if we may hear our servant, or someone insulting us, because we know ourselves that we have insulted others many times.

The word “curse” here is important. The word does not mean, “to invoke, or bring evil upon, or misfortune upon, or even to damn.” It is Strong’s 743, which means, “to make light of, trifling, to rank the content, or abate.” “Abate” means to “reduce in quality or importance.” It is “to degrade in value.”

These verses do not specify any example of what might be said. Perhaps it is just a defaming remark; an unwarranted comment; a comment said in anger; a joke at our expense; or even deliberate untruths.

Now John Gill's Exposition of the Bible on these verses states,

Seeing it is so that imperfection attends to the best of men. No man is wise at all times. Foolish words and unguarded expressions will sometimes drop from him, which it is better to take no notice of. They should not be strictly attended to, or closely examined, since they will not bear it. A man should not listen to everything that is said of himself or others. He should not curiously inquire what men say of him. And what he himself hears, he should not take notice of. It is often best to let it pass, and not call it up again to feign the hearing of a thing, or make it as if you did not hear it. Oftentimes by rehearsing the matter, or taking up words, a great deal of trouble and mischief will follow.

In the face of provocation, the true quality of self-restraint is displayed in our ability to take things patiently with forbearance and with longsuffering. A person who is longsuffering will not be equipped to retaliate or promptly punish someone who has insulted us or offended us. These are traits of Jesus Christ, which we are striving in our lives to develop.

As Solomon wrote these words in Ecclesiastes, he had the experience of his father to lean back upon because these are the qualities of King David in dealing properly and in a balanced way with people.

II Samuel 16:5-6 Now when King David came to Bahurim, there was a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei the son of Gera, coming from there. He came out, cursing continuously as he came. And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David. And all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left.

The word “cursing” here is the same one used in Ecclesiastes, which means, “to defame, to put down, and to degrade.” This is what Shimei was doing to David. He was putting him down. He was trying to humiliate him.

And the men of David wanted to take the head of Shimei. This man was cursing and throwing stones at the king of Israel. But what did David say to them? “Let him alone. Let him curse, for so the Lord has ordered him.” Who else in Israel was more deserving of honor and respect than David was, and his men who were biting at the bit to take off his head? David could have given a simple command, and the man would have been dead, but he held his peace.

Later we find that Shimei did bow down before David, and he apologized, knowing that he had sinned against David. Again, David had the opportunity to put him to death, but David swore to him that he would not die.

Solomon knew what had happened, because he had to deal with Shimei at a later time. He knew and had learned from what David had done; patience, and the strength that his father had. His wisdom is brought out in these verses.

These are not the principles that we see in today's world. This world of Satan is one of retaliation, of getting even; it is not one of forgiveness and forbearing and patience. We often hear in today's mottos, “Don't get mad, get even.” “Even the score,” “Hit back.” “Give it back to them as well as you got it.” We see this today, this spirit of revenge, in many of our movies and TV shows, music, and even our sports.

But to show restraint today, for many, is a sign of weakness. Sometimes we do not understand and know how competitive our human nature can really be. It is a pride in us. It feels it has to win; be vindicated; be elevated above others. Man's pride tends to propel him to the greatest extremes.

Yes, it is difficult to overcome these difficult tests. It is a difficult test to withstand unlawful and unwarranted criticism. It is even difficult at times to handle criticism that is warranted. We must be able to forgive and forget, which our human nature fights against every day.

We have our daily instruction, and the method of how we are to deal with these things, remembering back in verse 22 where we are guilty of the same sins that others commit against us. We must be willing to wipe the slate clean every day, not allowing these feelings of hurt and revenge to eat us up like a poison.

In Matthews 6:12 it says, “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” God is willing to wipe the slate clean if we humble ourselves before Him. Our sins are debts to God, which, as the debtors, we cannot pay. But we ask for the forgiveness of our sins to God, and we acknowledge the fact that there is no way to get rid of them, except through the blood and mercy of Jesus Christ.

And when we forgive others, God is able to see His image reflected in His children who must be willing to forgive others no matter what the affront.

As we saw in the verses in Ecclesiastes 7, we need to be balanced, not overreacting and not taking to heart everything we hear so seriously. We must understand that we must have a thick skin, and that we cannot wear our feelings on our sleeves. We cannot believe everything that people say to us. Yes, many, many times there are others that say bad things about us, and even in anger deliberately, as we saw in verse 21. And yes, we have said things to others that are hurting as we see in verse 22. There may be a time when a friend says something to us they did not mean, and they had no idea that they were insulting. Or they do not even realize the tone that they were speaking to us in. We must consider also words that are spoken to us in spiritual correction, when we are given rebuke and instruction. And when we realize that there is no sin involved, how do we receive it?

Just a few verses before, it says it is better to hear rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools. We must learn to take everything in our lives with much more patience and longsuffering.

What is the achievement that we will receive through this patience that we have with others? What do we receive by forgiving others that curse us? And what do we achieve by showing the proper restraint?

We achieve peace.

Please turn to Hebrews chapter 12.

Hebrews 12:14-15 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.

God has called us to peace. God's peace is a deep spiritual peace, and unaffected by the world. And through our relationship with Jesus Christ, and taking on the character that He displayed when He walked the earth, we can have this peace by striving to produce His type of character; to grow in His character, and the fruits that He displayed, and also through the obedience of His Word.

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