How often have we said to ourselves, "I wish I hadn't said that"? Human beings always have a hard time controlling what they say whether when conversing with others, when we become angry, or even when we hurt ourselves in minor accidents caused by our negligence. We often blurt out things we wish we had not.

God's people are to be examples for our children, fellow Christians, and even those we encounter daily. Will we continue saying, "I wish I hadn't said that!" or will we begin saying the right things—or keeping our mouths shut as the situation warrants? In this vein, we will survey what God inspired His servants to write about humanity's unruly tongue and learn why it is so important to control.

The world is full of careless people. Just as the careless neglect details and responsibilities, they are negligent in conversation. They do not think through what they say and how it affects others. But God has called His people from the world and its ways to be different in every way, but especially in our speech. He wants us to recognize that every word we say will be judged! Our Savior and Judge says in Matthew 12:36-37: "But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." If we speak careless words to others, we risk condemnation.

The tongue can be a powerful weapon, even when we tell stories and joke around. We may not realize it, but even in this situation, we can do significant damage to others and ourselves. In Proverbs 26:18-19, Solomon writes, "Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death, is the man who deceives his neighbor, and says, ‘I was only joking!'" Even when joking around, we must not cross certain lines. Jokes and humor are fine, but a slur or practical joke that hurts another's feelings or damages his character or property is definitely out!

The apostle James puts it this way: "See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell" (James 3:5-6). We see this disaster everywhere: People suffering because of what they said or what another has said about them. Words have destroyed the lives of millions. One minute, an individual is smiling and happy, and in an instant, they are crying and hurt because of a hurtful word. Ill-considered words can turn a day from positive to negative quickly.

What should we be doing? The apostle Peter has a suggestion, which he picked up from Psalm 34:12-14: "He who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it" (I Peter 3:10-11). Earlier, he had advised church brethren, "Therefore, [lay] aside all malice, all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and all evil speaking" (I Peter 2:1). In other words, we have to work on our character, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Matthew 12:34).

In Paul's letters, he frequently speaks about how we should talk. He instructs Titus to remind the church about some basic Christian behaviors: "Remind them . . . to obey, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men" (Titus 3:1-2). In modern terms, we must be courteous, non-aggressive, and speak the truth with gentleness. As Paul says in Romans 12:18, "Live peaceably with all men."

Our society's entertainment is becoming increasingly crude and filled with obscenities. Paul warns the Ephesians about letting these cultural iniquities affect their speech:

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that [no such sinner] has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. (Ephesians 5:3-5)

We are working toward the same goal, attaining the grand prize of the Kingdom of God. If we are changing and submitting to the Spirit of goodness and grace, then we will be careful about what we say. We will learn to control our tongues and thereby enhance our relationships, especially those within the church. James writes:

Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, speaks evil of the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is one Lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy. Who are you to judge another? (James 4:11-12)

The apostle had just been speaking of humility (verse 10), which is key to interacting with our brethren. Being critical of others reveals an attitude of superiority and pride in us because it is looking down on others. Humility gains us a new perspective of ourselves and of them and of our Lord and Judge, Jesus Christ. When we are humble, we see others better than ourselves (Philippians 2:3), and we will show them respect.

James also informs us, "If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one's religion is useless" (James 1:26). We are fooling ourselves if we believe we can please God and serve others without controlling our speech. The apostle suggests that ungodly speech undermines all our efforts to practice God's way. In fact, speaking in a godly fashion is such a big part of true religion that, without it, our religion is exposed as worthless, mere vanity.

Another problem we tend to have is talking too much. Proverbs 10:19 warns, "In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise." We should not be talking constantly. Those who talk incessantly tell more about themselves than they know. Through many words, to make the person seem more important, embellishment—that is, lying—occurs. This is sin, breaking the ninth commandment.

James' advice in James 1:19-20 hits home for many of us: "So then, my brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God." God desires us to be like Him and His Son Jesus Christ, calling us to be members of His very Family! With His calling, He has given us the power to control our unruly tongues through His Holy Spirit. We have what it takes to stop deceiving ourselves, humble ourselves, and listen and follow what He has to tell us about speaking in love. If we submit to Him, we will never have to say, "I wish I hadn't said that!"