Sermon: Our Words Matter: Are They Harmful or Helpful?

#1783A
Ted E. Bowling
Given 28-Sep-24; 35 minutes 2024-09-28

Back in 2003, I gave a sermonette about how words can be destructive. As members of God's church, when negative and damaging words come our way, our goal should be to ignore or deflect the insults or any abuses because it is far wiser than trying to battle each slight made against us. And the focus of that sermonette then was how we react to hurtful words.

I began that sermonette by saying, as children we often hear the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." And I am sure that most all of you have heard that idiom, especially during your childhood. That simple phrase was often expressed to children in order to help them to learn to deal with verbal attacks, those unpleasant words spoken to them or about them, and let them know that they could not hurt them because only physical things could hurt them, like broken bones.

And when we were children, the phrase may have been very effective because kids have that ability that they can be fighting at one moment and then playing together the next. But as we grow older, I believe this phrase loses its meaning. And I believe sincerely that words do hurt. So we need to always consider the pain caused by the things that we say, because the pain that comes from the words that we say to each other can linger long past the healing time of any cut or broken bone. Harsh words can have serious and lasting emotional effects because they are often judgmental, subjective, one-sided. They can perpetuate negativity, resentment, distrust.

Bullying is a big deal in schools today which can be very difficult for some children. And we may have no idea the pain caused by this because we may never know it. But some of these invisible scars may never go away and some people may even carry them around the rest of their lives. Everyone is made up differently, of course. Some may be able to shrug off things that are said to them very, very easily. But for others, the memory of painful words can lead to a lifetime of anxiety, stress, anger, resentment, fear, depression, and could even affect a person's mental health.

We must never underestimate the power of our words and the impact of the spoken word. This is especially true when it is an adult, a parent, maybe even a school teacher speaking to a child, how often this offhanded thing they might say, "Well, you're just stupid." Or "You're worthless!" and not even knowing that you might be destroying or harming the self-esteem of that child. And that child may doubt themselves for many years to come because they believed what they heard.

Now, thinking on that, last night, I have to admit, I texted my children and I asked them the question, "Has anything ever lingered with you that I've said when you were smaller?" And then I patiently waited and thankfully, they both answered me "no." But the point is, our words matter.

The question is, are the words that we use harmful or are they going to be helpful? Because our words have such an impact on people, the Scriptures make it clear that we will be held accountable for the words that we say. Sometimes even the tone and the volume in which we deliver words can communicate love or hate.

As we see in the Scriptures, God has a lot to say about this subject about how we speak to others and how God feels about destructive language.

Our words matter. The question is, do we see it? Do we acknowledge it? You see, harmful words that can separate, that can destroy; one negative statement can negate thousands of kind and thoughtful words that one person might have said. So it is important for us to consider our words—both positive and negative—and consider how those words will affect others and ourselves before we actually say them.

Do you recognize that it is important to God of what we say and how we conduct our lives? Because our speech is so important to God, how much it matters to Him, the Bible is full of instruction on this subject and God makes it clear what He expects of us.

Now, Proverbs is full of wisdom on this point and I am going to get there. But I am going to start in James today and James has a lot to say about our speech. I am only going to read a few scriptures here, but it is almost like the Proverbs of the New Testament. So please turn to James chapter 3 and I am going to start with the verse 1. James begins the verse saying:

James 3:1 My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.

Let me stand here, the first thing I say is, "Whoa." Judgment is particularly stricter on teachers, teachers of God's way, including those who consider themselves teachers. Give the responsibility associated with it, you do not want to misrepresent God or His teachings because, again, we will be held to a higher standing. This is a serious matter for us and He holds us again to a strict account.

You may wonder sometimes why some of the men look very nervous up here. I have thought about this and I, especially, start out having the butterflies, the nervousness. And I think partly it is because we understand the weight of the words that we speak. Even John Ritenbaugh used to talk about it. He always had butterflies right before he would speak. So none of us are immune.

James 3:2-5 For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very little rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things.

Brethren, again, words have power. James is saying though, every one of us from time to time will say the wrong thing.

Yes, there will be times that we struggle. Maybe we get frustrated, maybe our emotions take over and explode and we will say things that we regret. But after it comes out, there may be instant regret. There is nothing we can do about it. We may wish we could pull those words back. But of course, that is impossible. And those words also may have a lifetime of consequences. And so again, we always need to consider the impact of our statements on the hearer. It may even again include the tone of our voice and how we say something. But our goal should always to be to never diminish God's love and His character because we, as His church, represent Him.

Please turn to Proverbs chapter 6, verse 12. The caption above this area says The Wicked Man.

Proverbs 6:12-19 A worthless person, a wicked man, walks with a perverse mouth; he winks with his eyes, he shuffles his feet, he points with his fingers; perversity is in his heart, he devises evil continually, he sows discord. Therefore his calamity shall come suddenly; suddenly he shall be broken without remedy. [And then the next two verses are very well known.] These six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil, a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among the brethren.

You realize that three of those things that are abomination to God are our words. And I will tell you, I looked at the word abomination; it is much more than hate. An abomination is something that is disgusting and repulsive to God. And the reason why this is is because these things are against His character and everything that He stands for.

Verse 17, "a lying tongue." We live in a society where lying is normal, especially the little white lies. In fact, it is even expected. It is common. We see it in business all the time. The car salesman is not always truthful, the marketing companies, telemarketers, you just cannot trust them. And especially right now, even more the politicians.

What is interesting though is that everyone expects it and goes right along with it. But it is important for us to remember that the source of lying is Satan the Devil. You might want to write down John 8:44. The concept of deceit was introduced in the Garden of Eden by Satan, just the opposite of what God expects of us, because all we do should be total honesty, purity of heart, and truth.

In verse 19, it says "a false witness who speaks lies, and one who sows discord among brethren." In Strong's the word for sow here is shalach. It means to send, send away, let go, to shoot forth. To shoot forth sounds like an archer shooting an arrow and the term, you can say then, they shoot out with an arrow. The word, by the way, the part for discord means to create strife, conflict, trouble, or even rivalry.

So like an arrow being shot, you cannot pull it back. In fact, a word or term that we use today often use is, shooting off the mouth. That fits very well here because this term means to speak without discretion, to speak boastfully, loudly, especially about sensitive topics or information.

Years ago, I knew someone that loved to start arguments. Whether it be about sports, politics, whatever it might be, he would start an argument and then he loved to sit back and watch it spread. He literally enjoyed it. And this fits very closely with verse 18. So sowing discord goes hand-in-hand with tale bearing and gossip.

Turn to Leviticus chapter 19.

Leviticus 19:16 You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people.

This verse begins just like many of the verses in the Ten Commandments: You shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not commit adultery. The wording is the same. So tale bearing or gossip is the same type of evil communication contained in the ninth commandment. We should not bear witness against our neighbor. So gossip is relating to something said untrue about another person. They can say falsehoods, information of whatever type by whatever means about another person.

The Hebrew word for tale bearer is rakil. And we see this word also in Proverbs in several verses.

Proverbs 11:13 A tale bearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter.

So what a tale bearer does is gossip. They reveal secrets. They tell something that is privileged that maybe should not be related to anyone else.

Proverbs 16:28 (Darby Translation) A false man soweth contention; and a tale bearer separateth very friends.

Again, we are talking here about sowing discord.

Proverbs 18:8 The words of a talebearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body.

When we reveal secrets, when we talk about someone, do we really know the pain that we may be causing? The pain caused by tale bearers goes back right back to my introduction. For some, the pain may never go away, creating those invisible scars that they carry a lifetime.

The trouble with a gossip is it is important to them that you know that they know something that others may not know. Think about it. Regardless in the process that they wound or hurt or hurt the reputation of that person they gossip about.

So we should ask ourselves: why are we repeating something that we have heard? What is your motive? Most of the time it is to make someone look bad and you look good. When was the last time you ever heard someone say, "Hey, I gotta tell you something about so-and-so. That person is amazing. He's wonderful. You cannot realize how great a righteous person they are." That is not what a gossip does, just the opposite. I find it interesting also that most of the time the person spreading gossip, the words they speak have no impact on their lives or the person that they are telling.

We always need to consider the motive on what we are saying and why we are sharing it because again, often time, the things that we say are bringing out faults and feelings of other people and not praising them. And it is very easy to fall into this trap. We have all done it. I have done it. And that is one of the reasons I started in James 3. We all stumble in many things. We are not perfect but God wants us to work on these things, to consider these things.

We must always remember how easy it is to damage the reputation or destroy a person's character. The last thing we should ever want is to be a stumbling block. We know the consequences of that.

Brethren, we must guard our tongues because it is so easy to speak harshly and negatively, again, especially with children. And guard our words from lying, sowing discord, tale bearing, and gossip because these words hurt, they tear down, and they distract from God's love.

I found an interesting quote by Cus D'Amato. He was the gentleman that trained Mike Tyson. But I really like this little quote I found, "Emotions, particularly anger, are like a fire. They can cook you food and keep you warm or they can burn your house down." We want to be the ones that edify, warm the belly, and build up and be uplifting. Tale bearing and gossip feed contention and provoke conflict the same way wood feeds the fire. We know that it does not take much to get a fire started.

Some of you may not know this, but this reminds me of Mrs. O'Leary's cow. Now, you may not remember, but there was the great fire of Chicago from 1871. And the story supposedly is that Mrs. O'Leary went out to the barn to milk her cow and during the course of milking that cow, that cow knocked over the lamp and then the barn caught on fire and it began to spread. And that single, seemingly little incident started a blaze that turned into a disaster. Over a three day period of time, Chicago burned, killing approximately 300 people, destroyed roughly 3.3 square miles, including 17,000 structures and left 100,000 residents homeless.

You see how a little fire can grow. How often a little piece of information, a half truth, a rumor quickly grow and then it becomes exaggerated and distorted as it is passed from one person to another. And after a while that fire is out of control and destructive.

Words matter, words have power, and they can do more damage than we ever imagined. But on the other hand, the Scriptures has a lot to say about helpful words and what we should be saying. There are many scriptures that emphasize the importance of using our words wisely. When our speech is caring and loving, supportive, helpful, it can be very beneficial both to the hearer and the speaker. When our words are uplifting, they can bond us together and then they will elevate, encourage, and be a strength to one another.

Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

So the right words at the right time can simply be beautiful and are invaluable. Is our speech helpful? Does our speech reflect God's love and His character or does it distract from His purpose?

Now, Paul has a lot to say on the subject. Please turn to Ephesians chapter 4, verse 25.

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, putting away lying, "Let each of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another.

Ephesians 4:29-32 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impact grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

We must speak truth so that we will not injure through our lies, through our gossip. To be like Christ is to be tenderhearted, and always ready to forgive and letting go of bitterness. It said there in verse 29, "What is good for necessary edification." As I said earlier, a gossip normally never edifies, they only take away.

Proverbs 26:20 Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.

So we have the control. We have the ability to put out the fires before they even start by what we say and how we conduct ourselves. Our words, are they helpful or are they harmful? And are we working to refine our speech through our relationship with Jesus Christ?

There is a musical from the 1960s called "My Fair Lady." Some of you will remember this, some of you have no idea what I am talking about. But it is a story that centers on Professor Henry Higgins played by Rex Harrison. The professor is an expert in speech and he attempts to reform Eliza Dolittle. She is a flower girl with a strong Cockney accent (that is British) played by Audrey Hepburn. And his job is to refine her and teach her how to speak properly. And by the end of the movie, he has, and Eliza becomes refined, and the movie highlights how language can influence one's social status and the opportunities that they have.

Brethren, we have the opportunity to refine our speech as we read and learn from the greatest communicator that has ever lived, Jesus Christ. As we read the gospels, we learn from Jesus Christ how to live our lives, how to speak, how to refine our words. There is so much we can learn from our Bible study and our relationship with Jesus Christ that will help us to evaluate the words that we speak.

There are a few points here that I will just go through.

1. Christ always said the right thing at the right time.

There were times Christ said nothing. Sometimes no response or comment was the wisest thing to do. You might want to write down Proverbs 10:19, "Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues." Jesus Christ teaches us that there will be times that strong speech is necessary, but always should be done with measure and with love.

Jesus Christ teaches always to speak in love and always the truth. He teaches us to speak with kindness and encouragement words that uplift and encourage others that we may mirror God's love and compassion. It teaches us to practice forgiveness. When we speak words of forgiveness, we reflect God's mercy and grace. He teaches us always to be humble, speaking words that acknowledge the worth of others and to consider them more than ourselves. That is the attitude that we should have: not tear down, but to build up. And again, He teaches us to express love and patience. As representatives of Christ, we must continually learn to refine our speech and we do this by cultivating humility, courtesy, and kindness toward others.

I want to speak about a few words that Christ spoke. Please turn to Matthew 12.

Matthew 12:33-37 "Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or else make the tree bad and its fruit bad; for a tree is known by its fruit. Brood of vipers! How can you, being evil, speak good things? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasures bring forth evil things. But I say to you, that for every idle word men may speak, they will give an account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned."

Those are words of Christ, and they are tough. I read how many words that we speak per year. It was in the hundred thousands. And you know, if we are going to stand in judgment according to simply the words that we speak through our life and not taking into account the deeds that we may do, but simply the words that you have spoken, how will you be judged? What portrait of Christ do your words paint for others? Will your speech reflect God's love and His character? Or does your speech reflect harshness? Do you speak rashly? Are you quick to criticize and judge others? Do our words embarrass, hurt, ridicule? Do you humiliate others? Or is your speech seasoned with grace and truth?

If a person is on God's side then he will produce Godlike fruit. If he is on Satan's side, he will produce Satan's fruit. It is easy to tell the difference. And when we are led by the Spirit, He will help us in how to respond to every person. When we speak kindly, truthfully, lovingly, it shows that our heart is aligned with God's values.

I just want to note a few verses real quick.

Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words sin is not ended, but he who restrains his lips is wise.

Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise promotes health.

Colossians 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Proverbs 8:6-7 Listen, for I will speak of excellent things, and from the opening of my lips will come right things; for my mouth will speak truth; wickedness is an abomination to my lips. All the words of my mouth are with righteousness; nothing crooked or perverse is in them. They are all plain to him who understands, and right to those who find knowledge.

God wants us to speak excellent things, speak truth, and for our speech to be righteous.

I want to finish up with David. Please turn to Psalm 141. Seems like I always end up with David somehow, which is not a bad thing.

Psalm 141:1-3 Lord, I cry out to You; make haste to me! Give ear to my voice when I cry out to You. Let my prayer be set before You as incense, the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips.

Do you ever wonder why David is so special? It shows David as a man of tender conscience, with a tender heart who asked God to deal with his own sins and his weaknesses before addressing any wicked men that he may fought against.

Writers believe that this psalm was written while he was on the run from from King Saul who was trying to kill him. But it shows even then that David was more concerned about controlling his speech and attitude than any concern that he was being hunted down by the king.

Psalm 19:14 [this goes hand-in-hand with this verse] Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and Redeemer.

Just like David, this should be a part of our daily prayer to ask Him, to help us set a watch to what we say, to overcome all those things that may have a tendency to come out of our mouths that are not good. Because it is important to God that we recognize these things because, again, they reflect something much, much deeper.

When we do an honest self-examination, do we have a godly attitude? Is it pleasing to God? Because how we speak honors God and this is how we nurture a closer relationship with Him. Brethren, listen to yourselves. What comes out of your mouth? Let us never underestimate the importance of our words. Our words matter. Are they harmful or are they helpful? And let us have the same prayer as David. Ask God, keep watch over the door of my lips.

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