Columnist John Derbyshire has recently shared his views on parenting, emphasizing the limited influence parents have over their children's life outcomes. He argues that parental influence accounts for only 0-10 percent of a child's success, with genetics and outside-the-home socialization playing far larger roles at 45-50 percent each. Derbyshire believes parenting has been oversold, criticizing the modern trend of hyper-parenting where parents excessively control and cater to their children's lives. Despite his skepticism about its impact, he admits to working hard at parenting himself, reasoning that in a competitive society, even a small difference matters, and he wants his children to do well. His perspective highlights a focus on material and economic outcomes rather than spiritual or moral development, viewing parenting as a minor factor in shaping a child's future.

In the realm of family, the erosion of authority has profoundly impacted parenting skills. Modern influences have stripped parents of their God-given authority to rear their children, replacing it with permissive ideas that reject any ultimate standard. Parents are often advised by counselors, teachers, and psychologists to forgo authority in favor of self-esteem-focused approaches, undermining their role to lead children in the way they should go. Yet, parents possess a responsibility and authority from God to guide their children. This authority mirrors the compassionate and tender care God shows as a Father to His children. Just as He knows our frailties and works with us lovingly, parents are to model their parenting after His example, within the limits of human ability. Parents hold a position akin to God in their children's lives, using their greater understanding and experience to direct and shape their path. Effective parenting requires a cooperative effort between parent and child. Children are to honor and obey their parents, recognizing their authority through submission, humility, and responsibility. This honoring fosters virtues like wisdom and love, equipping children for success and a long life. Parents, in turn, must avoid provoking their children to wrath or breaking their spirit through harsh treatment. They should not humiliate, terrorize, or belittle, but instead focus on the ultimate outcome of their parenting style, aiming to produce Godly offspring who are well-adjusted and prepared for God's calling. Parenting involves purposeful training and admonition, shaping behavior, deportment, manners, emotions, and attitudes through an organized plan. This training and instruction of the mind should be guided by God's revealed principles to produce well-adjusted children. Parental leadership is essential, yet often questioned in society. Parents must reclaim this leadership, understanding the significant authority God has invested in them to guide their children without abuse, balancing between permissiveness and overuse of authority. Discipline, rooted in love, is a critical aspect of parenting. It should be applied wisely, not out of fear of upsetting the child, but with the intent to achieve a Godly result. Discipline ranges from a cautionary look to verbal instruction or corporal punishment, tailored to the child's needs and responses. Parents must know their child, applying consistent and appropriate measures without provoking lasting negative emotions. The goal is emotional and behavioral maturity, fostering respect and a proper relationship with the child into adulthood. To establish authority, parents should command their children clearly and firmly, without cajoling or bargaining, expecting obedience and following through with appropriate consequences if needed. Compromising undermines authority, allowing the child to take control. Early and consistent discipline prevents deeper issues, producing peace, cooperation, and right behavior in the family. Parents must not fear using their God-given authority to lead their children in the proper way, ensuring they are prepared for maturity and future responsibilities.

Parenthood is a partnership with God, working alongside the Creator of the universe to shape human character and determine destiny. The fundamental purpose of parenting is to mold godly character in children, aiming for the high goal of the Kingdom of God. This purpose shapes the methods used, ensuring they align with God's will. Parenting is a major factor in God's judgment, as family life serves as the laboratory where His way of life is learned and perfected. God the Father is the standard and pattern for parenting, offering a model far beyond worldly practices. Emulating Him increases the likelihood of successful parenting. The family unit is intended to be a patriarchy, mirroring God's divine Family, with the father holding chief authority and responsibility, supported by the mother as a help-meet. Children are under this structure, and mutual submission is key to harmonious family life. The father must submit to God the Father and Jesus Christ, as well as to his family in love, ensuring his authority does not become authoritarian. Parental authority is divinely ordained and critical, placed directly after commands honoring God in importance. Proper respect for parents conditions children to respect other authority figures and ultimately prepares them to submit to God the Father. This respect brings long-term blessings of long life and well-being. Parents must instill this respect early to set the stage for God's blessings, ensuring children carry no hindering baggage into their relationship with Him. Children are required to obey their parents as long as the commands align with what is right, approaching obedience as if obeying Christ Himself, and recognizing it as God's will. Disobedience, such as striking or cursing parents, is gravely serious and must be addressed early to prevent escalation. Parental authority must be established clearly, with parents' word as law in the home. Rules must be kept, and children should seek permission and keep parents informed of their actions. Control should be maintained, especially in early years, diminishing gradually as trust and responsibility grow. Parental authority must be coupled with godly love, focusing on the long-term good of the child rather than momentary comfort. Discipline, though painful at times, is an act of love when done properly, yielding peace, righteousness, and joy. If discipline is withheld, it is akin to hating the child by failing to prepare them for life. Discipline must be administered early and diligently to counter negative influences and instill a foundation of right living, shielding children from satan's deceptions. Parents must be diligent, closely observing and understanding their children's behaviors, reactions, and needs to apply discipline or encouragement promptly. Immediate discipline ensures the child connects the correction to the infraction, especially in younger years when attention spans are short. Clear rules, regulations, and limits must be set, modeled after God's approach with His people, guiding children until they internalize these principles as part of their character. These rules should be based on fundamental laws, branching into specific areas like safety, care of property, etiquette, and personal courtesy, teaching respect, responsibility, and service to others. Children must also be taught to work from an early age, given age-appropriate chores to instill a work ethic and keep them engaged, preventing mischief. Instructions for tasks must be specific to avoid misunderstandings, ensuring expectations are clear. Rules and limits are essential for children to live by, preventing chaos and destruction. Parents must adhere to these rules, praising and rewarding compliance while penalizing infractions, fostering peace and righteousness in the home.

Parenting in today's world is fraught with challenges as societal pressures and external influences undermine parental authority. Parents face constant scrutiny from childcare experts, social media, local governments, and even friends and family, often finding themselves criticized or threatened with intervention for public discipline. The fear of viral videos and visits from social workers adds to the burden, while laws in some areas label traditional parenting practices as neglect or abuse, such as leaving a child briefly unattended. Many parents struggle to adapt to these pressures, often abandoning effective discipline in favor of modern, less authoritative methods like counting to ten, time-outs, reasoning with toddlers, bargaining, or bribing. Some even strive to be best friends with their children, surrendering their role as authority figures. This often results in children gaining control, knowing they can win in conflicts, which erodes parental influence over time. A 2012 study from the University of Virginia identified four parenting styles in the U.S.: the faithful, engaged progressives, the detached, and American dreamers. Faithful parents, about 20%, prioritize religious morality in childrearing. Engaged progressives, around 21%, focus on responsibility and personal experience, often excluding religion and emphasizing individual freedom. Detached parents, 19%, adopt a hands-off approach, showing little involvement and often lacking confidence in their parenting abilities. American dreamers, the largest group at 27%, are optimistic about their children's future, investing heavily in opportunities but neglecting present-day guidance, hoping to be best friends with their adult children. Despite these varied styles, a clinical psychologist, Eric Herman, suggested that the classic authoritarian style, where parents lead with love and kindness, remains the most effective. He emphasized that parenting is hard work requiring consistent effort, and children who feel loved will respect parental authority. Three crucial parenting principles emerge for successful childrearing. First, parents must establish themselves as the authority in their children's lives from an early age, teaching respect and obedience to prevent future rebellion and reduce the need for severe discipline later. Second, consistency is vital, both in maintaining childrearing practices and between parents, ensuring children cannot manipulate one against the other. Parents must support each other and present a united front, mirroring the unchanging nature of God as a model of reliability, so children trust their word and depend on their love and guidance. Third, parents must be actively involved in their children's growth, not as distant observers but as engaged participants, available to help in struggles and celebrate successes. This involvement, balanced without being overbearing or overly protective, helps children develop confidence and character, preparing them for adulthood under ideal conditions with parental support.

God considers parenting, or proper childrearing, to be a paramount part of our Christian walk, placing it as a high priority in our lives. He reveals Himself as the Father, emphasizing the importance of this role and urging us to emulate Him in guiding and nurturing our families. The family structure is designed with the father as the head, leading with authority and responsibility to ensure the family follows God's way, supported by a wife as his help-meet, with children learning and growing under their care. Submission is vital within this structure, not only from the wife and children but also from the husband, as an act of submission to God and Jesus Christ, fostering a godly family dynamic. The father's role is central in teaching God's way to the next generation, imitating God the Father's constant care, guidance, discipline, and leadership. Fathers are tasked with training their children from sunrise to sundown through various methods such as formal instruction, drill, play-acting, example, and discipline, ensuring that correction is always paired with teaching to be effective. This training encompasses verbal instruction, emotional balance, and understanding of principles, often under the umbrella of God's will, aiming to build a foundation for correct behavior. Fathers must be cautious with anger during correction, using it sparingly to avoid provoking bitterness or discouragement in children, following God's pattern of patience, love, and mercy in discipline. Discipline, when done with love and for the child's profit, mirrors God's aim to produce holiness, requiring consistent, long-term effort to yield the peaceable fruits of righteousness. Both parents are united in the responsibility of parenting, working as a team to produce godly offspring. The mother's role, while not directly commanded in specific childrearing tasks, is linked to the husband as his partner, sharing in the covenant relationship designed by God to nurture children for Him. Her love for her children is often deep and innate, revolving around bearing, birthing, and rearing, which is seen as a spiritual endeavor to produce godly seed. A virtuous mother, as an ideal, is trustworthy, industrious, and dedicated to her family's good, managing the household with strength and diligence, ensuring spiritual and practical needs are met, and teaching with wisdom and kindness rooted in covenant relationships. Her efforts support the father's ability to serve beyond the family, and her character, grounded in reverence for God, leads to her being blessed by her children and husband. Together, parents fulfill their roles with faith, love, holiness, and self-control, shaping their judgment and contributing to God's purpose of raising godly seed for His Kingdom.

The state of parenting in America today reveals a troubling lack of responsibility and guidance. Many children seem to rear themselves, as parents are often too preoccupied with other pursuits to notice alarming behaviors in their offspring, such as fascination with destructive ideologies or dangerous activities. This negligence likely played a significant role in tragic events like the Columbine massacre, highlighting how parenting practices have deteriorated without a clear standard to follow. Parenting is a critical responsibility that cannot be ignored. The duty to bring up children in a godly manner is a top priority for parents, shaping not only the family but also the broader community. The term "parenting" emphasizes that the responsibility lies with the parent, not the child, to nurture and guide them into becoming upright adults. This nurturing process is essential, as the end result heavily depends on how parents cultivate their children's character and values. Society, however, often places children at the center of attention, creating a youth culture where their desires dictate family dynamics and commercial interests. This inversion of priorities undermines parental authority, contributing to the erosion of the traditional family structure. Selfishness, a pervasive issue, further exacerbates the problem by shifting focus away from family to personal gain or entertainment, disrupting the natural order of priorities where family should be paramount. Many parents today seek to delegate their responsibilities to external entities like the government, schools, day care, or even media, spending minimal time with their children. This avoidance stems from viewing parenting as a burdensome chore rather than a vital duty. True parenting requires substantial time and effort, not just in quality moments but in consistent presence, instruction, and discipline. It involves teaching practical skills, guiding through challenges, and imparting wisdom through daily interaction. God places immense importance on parenting, viewing it as foundational to life's purpose. Without His guidance at the core of parenting efforts, all labor is in vain, leading to anxiety and fruitless outcomes. When parents align their practices with His principles, they can find peace and assurance that their efforts will bear fruit, as He supports and blesses their work. Children are a precious gift and reward, not something earned, but given to strengthen and bring joy to the family when raised well. A strong family, built on proper parenting, becomes a refuge and a source of mutual support, capable of withstanding external pressures. This strength extends to larger communities, emphasizing the need for parents to prioritize their role. Parenting is not just a personal task but a reflection of a greater purpose, tied to the very essence of creating and nurturing life as God intends. It is a responsibility that parents must embrace fully, recognizing its profound impact on future generations.