Several people sat around a table chatting during an after-services discussion at a previous church of God fellowship. When a wife offered her comment on the current topic, her husband told her just to sit there and be quiet. "Don't say a word!"

I was stunned—and not a little bit offended on her behalf! Is that how we, God's elect, are to speak to each other, to treat each other, married or otherwise?

Most of us do not chafe at being reined in by the letter of the Ten Commandments. Not being tempted by the major sins the Decalogue describes, we do spend little time being careful about them. If that were all it took to be among the "chosen few" (Matthew 22:14), Jesus would have spoken about the "chosen many."

Scripture leaves us without any wiggle room about how we must treat each other. God's Word is replete with instructions and examples of what He expects of us: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:39). Jesus, in His parable in Matthew 25:31-36, points out that how we treat everyone—called or otherwise—is the filter that separates the few chosen ones from the many whom God does not choose. In the fruit of the Spirit, our God unambiguously delineates what kind of person He requires us to become (Galatians 5:22-23).

Yet, upon personal introspection, we might find that some "little" sin has found its way into our lives. We may consider it "little" because Scripture contains no direct "thou shalt not" concerning that particular behavior. Even so, we know it to be a sin; it is not Christ-like conduct. It is demeaning or destructive toward others, not to mention ourselves. What do we do about it?

Most of our persistent sins come, not from occasionally stumbling and picking ourselves up and starting over again, but from deeply ingrained habits that we repeat unconsciously. We can stray off the path in many ways without seeming to violate one of the Big Ten. When another motorist does something rude or dangerous on the freeway, do we automatically have some choice words, thoughts, or gestures for him? Where does that appear in the Ten Commandments? It was an automatic reaction, a sinful habit ingrained over years of driving.

How about when we are engaged in carpentry work around the house, and the wrong nail gets hammered? Does a four-letter word escape from our hearts and lips? That is just instinctive behavior, right? When, in the midst of a frustrating day, some unlucky cashier makes a simple mistake, do we take it out on her? We could not help but lash out, could we?

Perhaps we need to put ourselves under a bare bulb and interrogate ourselves a bit more aggressively. We might ask such questions as (and make sure to demand a truthful response):

• Are we constantly criticizing, nagging, or finding fault?

• Is our speech even lightly salted with four-letter words?

• Do we do a slow burn to keep from lashing out? Or do we just lash out?

• Do we dismiss people at the first slight and hold enduring grudges?

• Do we take offense quickly and often?

• Do we look down on people who are not up to our lofty standards?

We all do some of these things occasionally. When we slip up in these ways, we should, of course, seek forgiveness and repent immediately. But if these kinds of un-Christlike thoughts and behaviors have become a way of life, we should be extremely, urgently concerned. They are sins! Disqualifying sins! We must break these "little" bad habits because God is not impressed by good intentions. He forgives sin only upon repentance—changing our mindset and conduct. Peter describes the process in Acts 3:19: "Repent therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, so that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord." God's blotting out of sin comes after repentance, changing the mind, and after conversion, changing our direction.

We should not want to go to our graves with such sins still active in our way of life. God is truly gracious and forgiving, but we should not want to leave any part of our character "as is." The apostle Paul writes about this in II Corinthians 10:3-6:

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled. (Emphasis ours throughout.)

God's judgment is now on "the house of God" (I Peter 4:17), His elect. Paul writes similarly: "For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive the things done in the body, according to what he has done, whether good or bad" (II Corinthians 5:10). And our Savior, the Judge, does not overlook sin: "For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men" (Romans 1:18). Truly, as Peter puts it, quoting Solomon, "the righteous one is scarcely saved" (I Peter 4:18).

As implied earlier, sins of the tongue are especially common among those we deem "little" bad habits. Notice how the apostle James describes the tongue in James 3:6, 8:

And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell. . . . [B]ut no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.

Neither James nor God considers such evils of speech "little." We must eradicate them! Paul describes how our speech should sound: "Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one" (Colossians 4:6). The husband of the opening paragraph answered his wife with sharpness, dismissiveness, and domination, all ungodly characteristics that should never be present among brethren, much less husband and wife.

Breaking bad habits can be extraordinarily difficult, especially if one lacks a humble attitude. Having practiced these bad habits for many years, they have become part of what we are—how we see ourselves as the hero of our story. We do not consider such faults as negatives but cast them in a good light as unique features of our exceptional personality. In most cases, our self-centeredness and pride are nearly invisible to us but evident to others.

We need an infusion of humility so we can begin to break these habits because God says, "The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart, him I will not endure" (Psalm 101:5). We need to take Paul's advice in Philippians 2:3: "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself." Three times Jesus Christ says of a childlike attitude, "of such is the kingdom of God" (Mark 10:14; Luke 18:16; Matthew 19:14). Little children are not egotistical, prideful, or overbearing. They are needy and willing to learn and please others.

God has high expectations of His elect. He requires those who make a covenant with Him to keep its terms. He insists that His people do as He says, to keep all His commandments, statutes, and judgments. The Almighty wants them to break their bad habits, which do not reflect His Son's goodness. We must take care not to let a sinful habit prevent us from entering His Kingdom.