Sermon: How to Offend Someone

A Beginner's Guide to Offense
#1820B
Ryan McClure
Given 31-May-25; 34 minutes 2025-05-31

The last time I spoke, I highlighted a phrase that I had heard from a good friend of mine while we were eating lunch or dinner at the Feast in Italy. The phrase was "no pride, no problem," and it in a way changed my perspective on how I view various events and things that happen in my life nowadays. I am not continuing that subject, but wanted to pass along another life lesson that I learned at the Feast, and it does in a way relate to "no pride, no problem."

At the Feast there in Italy, Jenny and I had decided to sign up for three of the excursions that were planned for the Feast. The first outing was to Siena, the second to Florence, and the third to Pisa. We actually missed the trip to Siena. The kids were feeling a little under the weather after all of the traveling, and so we took the time that afternoon to simply rest, which was very nice. We did take the second trip into Florence, which was probably my favorite just because I thought it was a beautiful city full of history, beautiful scenery, along with the buildings and all of the surroundings. And I should add, for each of these trips you had the choice to follow a guide around the city, or you could simply just walk around to see the sites that you were interested in. In Florence, we opted to walk around with our friends, who I might add included the Barnes' (hello to the Barnes' if they are out there), and we had a wonderful time.

The last excursion was to Pisa, and for this trip, we decided to join the guided tour and it was actually pretty cool. You get this little radio unit that is mapped to the same frequency as the guide. So if you are in this large group following him, he could be quite a few steps ahead of you, but you can still hear what he is saying as he basically describes the cities and the buildings that you are passing by.

Now time did not permit us to go to the entire city, but we did make our way to the square there in Pisa, where we saw the old school, church, and of course, the Leaning Tower. As we entered the square before we went to all those places, the guide had us stop and began telling us a little bit more about the Italian culture. And I am not sure why he went to this topic, but I recall him getting very specific about hand gestures. He told us to please do not do this or that with your hands or wave in certain fashions. His point was that certain gestures that we might make thinking we understand what they mean, well, they might actually mean something very offensive to the Italian culture. Now I will not make any of them because I do not remember what they were and I do not want to offend anybody. He did get very specific to the point of using cuss words that were associated with these gestures, so that is how bad they were. And apparently he either did not know or forgot that we were part of a church group and I was like, "Kids, close your ears."

This made me think about how certain things to Americans are not offensive, but the same gesture or movement of the hands might be completely offensive in another culture. I decided to take a look at some of these examples, specifically how one thing in one culture might be fine, while in other cultures it might be offensive. So credit goes to www.says.com for this.

Laughing loudly with your mouth open in Japan is offensive or rude. In Greece, South America, West Africa, and some Middle Eastern countries, giving someone a thumbs up is the equivalent of waving to them here in America with one finger. A better way of showing approval for something is to simply nod and smile. Crossing your fingers is actually offensive in some Asian countries. Having one hand in your pocket, especially while you were talking to somebody in South Korea, is viewed as exceptionally rude because it indicates that you are basically arrogant.

At restaurants in France, Italy, Spain, and Japan, asking for any alterations to the dish you are ordering is not normal. You are generally expected to eat the food as it is meant to be served. This means that even asking for things like chili or tomato sauce would be frowned upon. Unless the condiment is already on your table, like the salt or pepper shaker, you should not use anything to alter the taste of your food. And those of you who know me, I love my sauces and I definitely love ketchup, but in Italy, I just ate what they put in front of me.

In the Philippines, China, Thailand, and Russia, polishing your plate off completely signifies that you are still hungry and that your host failed to provide you with enough food. Of course, here in America, we are like, finish your food, clean your plate. Now if you are traveling solo in Australia, New Zealand, Ireland, Scotland, or the Netherlands, think twice about jumping into the back seat. Riding in the backseat might imply that you think you are above the driver and think of them more as a chauffeur or a servant. So be careful if you Uber in those countries.

In most Asian, African, and Middle Eastern countries, using your left hand to do things like eating or accepting a gift is considered impolite. That is pretty tough for the left-handers out there. My lovely wife would offend folks every time she had a meal. In many Arab countries, refusing anything, especially food that is offered to you, is considered rude. In the past, it was much harder for families to put enough food on the table, and someone offering you their share was seen as a token of their hard work. (Did you hear that kids?)

Last but not least here, I did see somewhere that in some places in Germany, it is actually really offensive to jaywalk, and if you do this, some of the locals will actually scold you for it. And here in America, even though we know it is against the law, most do not really care and see it as getting from A to B as fast as possible.

Now my point in going through these examples, and there are many other examples, is to show that it is actually quite easy to offend someone. I would say first and foremost it is easy to offend someone when we do something or do not do something that we consider is just fine, but in the eyes of the other person it actually causes an offense. And in the examples I just mentioned, the offense is cultural, so the things that Americans might do or not do might be offensive to those in other countries and of course, vice versa.

There are other ways that we can offend people. Some kinds of music are offensive; different types of smells are offensive; even types of clothing are offensive—and we just saw a bumper sticker on the way to church that was offensive. Now what is interesting in many of these examples is that oftentimes what might be offensive to one person or a particular culture is in fact not offensive to another.

I have titled this message, "How to Offend Someone: A Beginner's Guide to Offense," and I did that a little bit for its shock value, but also, as we have just seen, to show how easy it is to offend someone. Those offenses can come by accident or they can be very intentional, and my purpose today is to walk through how we can use situational awareness, humility, action, and ultimately love (the love that Clyde just talked about), so that we can be equipped with the right tools to not offend people.

Merriam Webster defines offend as "to transgress the moral divine law," basically to sin. It also defines offend as "to cause difficulty, discomfort, or injury; to cause dislike, anger, or vexation." Now this definition largely holds true when we look at biblical examples of people who offend or where offense is often tied to moral failings, disobedience to God, and ultimately conflicts with others. Let us turn over to our first scripture in Luke 17. This verse was interestingly featured in the Berean this week, I think it was Thursday. And the heading here in my Bible says Christ Warns of Offenses.

Luke 17:1-2 Then He said to the disciples, "It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones."

The word offenses here is translated as stumbling blocks, and the word offend is to cause one of these little ones to stumble. These stumbling blocks refer to causing someone to sin or to go off the path, basically, God's way of life. What is interesting though is the continuation of Jesus' explanation here in verses 3 and 4. He says,

Luke 17:3-4 "If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."

I think we can see here that people will probably frequently offend others with untrue doctrine or practices and will cause them to stumble, and in everyday life, we will occasionally offend others in various ways. And thankfully, here, Jesus is laying out the path for repentance and forgiveness, and ultimately a restored relationship.

Now there are quite a few examples in the Bible that reflect on offending others, but one that I find really interesting is recorded in Genesis 12. So let us turn over to Genesis 12 for our next scripture. We are going to read verses 10 through 20.

Genesis 12:10-20 Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to dwell there, for the famine was severe in the land. And it came to pass, when he was close to entering Egypt, that he said to Sarai his wife, "Indeed I know that you are a woman of beautiful countenance. Therefore it will happen, when the Egyptians see you, that they will say, 'This is his wife'; and they will kill me, but they will let you live. Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you." So it was, when Abraham came into Egypt, that the Egyptians saw the woman, that she was very beautiful. The princes of Pharaoh also saw her and commended her to Pharaoh, and the woman was taken to Pharaoh's house. He treated Abraham well for her sake. He had sheep, oxen, male donkeys, male and female servants, female donkeys and camels. But the Lord plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai, Abram's wife. And Pharaoh called Abraham and said, "What is this you have done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say she is my sister? I might have taken her as my wife. Now therefore, here is your wife; take her and go your way." So Pharaoh commanded his men concerning him; and they sent him away with his wife and all that he had.

Abraham was in self-preservation mode, and like many of us men, he knew that his wife was beautiful and that he might be killed so that she could be taken by another man. Abram offended Pharaoh by intentionally putting him in a position to where sin could happen. Pharaoh says—this is almost like an argument that you would have with another person. He is arguing with him here. He says, "What is this that you've done to me? Why did you not tell me that she was your wife? Why did you say she is my sister? I might have taken her as my wife." Pharaoh knew what that would have meant. So Pharaoh was saying that you have almost caused me to stumble, to falter, to sin. In a way, Pharaoh was the one offended, and Abraham was the one who caused the offense.

This particular event is basically what I would call cause-and-effect. Abraham wanted to save his life by telling everyone that Sarah was his sister. However, that would mean that any man who would have taken her as his wife would have immediately sinned. Now God stepped in and persecuted Pharaoh, but ultimately saved him because Pharaoh did not get to the married part.

Did Abraham learn from this lesson though? Let us head over to Genesis 20 for our next scripture. Let us see this next incident here.

Genesis 20:1-13 And Abraham now journeyed from there to the South and dwelt between Kadesh and Shur, and stayed at Gerar. Now Abraham said of Sarah his wife, "She is my sister." And Abimelech king of Gerar, sent and took Sarah. But God came to Abimelech in the dream by night [this would be absolutely frightening if God appeared to any of us this way], and said to him, "Indeed you are a dead man because of the woman whom you have taken, for she is a man's wife." But Abimelech had not come near her; and he said, "Lord, will you slay a righteous nation also? Did he not say to me, 'She is my sister'? And she, even she herself said, 'He is my brother.' In the integrity of my heart and innocence of my hands I have done this." And God said to him in a dream, "Yes, I know that you did this in the integrity of your heart. For I also withheld you from sinning against Me; therefore I did not let you touch her. Now therefore, restore the man's wife, for he is a prophet, and he will pray for you and you shall live. But if you do not restore her, know that you shall surely die, you and all who are yours."

So Abimelech rose early in the morning, called his servants, and told all of these things in their hearing; and the men were very much afraid. And Abimelech called Abraham and said to him [sounds just like the first incident with Pharaoh], "What have you done to us? Have I offended you, that you have brought on me and my kingdom a great sin? You have done deeds to me that ought not to be done." Then Abimelech said to Abraham, "What did you have in view, that you have done this thing?" [And here Abraham explains in verse 11.] And Abraham said, "Because I thought, surely the fear of God is not in this place; and they will kill me on account of my wife. But indeed she is truly my sister. She is the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife. And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said to her, 'This is your kindness that you should do for me: in every place, wherever we go, say of me, "He is my brother."'"

Now here we get the whole story and the reason why Abraham wanted to call Sarah his sister. Of course she is beautiful, and he felt that the fear of God was not in the general area; that his life would be in danger, he could be killed. So he believed his life was in the balance because of his beautiful wife and because kind of, sort of, well, maybe, she was slightly his sister, she actually, really, kind of was, but regardless of these things, God was not happy. In God's infinite wisdom and kindness, He does intervene and saves Abimelech from sin. Here we see that Abraham offended both Pharaoh and Abimelech by intentionally putting them in a situation where sin could occur. He was thinking about himself and not others.

Most of the examples that I found in the Old Testament speak to someone either offending by potentially causing someone else to sin or breaking God's law and thus offending the other person or persons, or by doing what is actually right and keeping God's law and thus offending those who are not.

Let us move on to the New Testament and look at some more examples of offense. Let us go to Matthew 16 and we will read verses 21 through 23.

Matthew 16:21-23 From that time Jesus began to show His disciples that He must go to Jerusalem, and suffer many things from the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised the third day. Then Peter took Him aside and began to rebuke Him, saying, "Far be it from you, Lord; this shall not happen to You!" But He turned and said to Peter, "Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but of the things of men."

Now offense here can also be rendered as a snare or basically a trap. I think that Peter meant well but Jesus likens his comments to the temptations that Satan had previously put Him through. "Far be it from you, Lord." This is essentially saying that God should not lay down His life because He is God. However, that went opposite of what Christ came to do, to sacrifice His sinless and perfect life for all of us. Peter's comment was offensive because it suggested something that was against God's ultimate will.

One other element of this exchange that I would like to highlight is that this offense was delivered through words. Peter did not do anything, per se, to Jesus. He simply spoke words. I probably do not need to go too deep here, but just to highlight that our words and the things that we say, sometimes even if we are not trying to be offensive, can offend. From what I read here, it looks like Peter is acting as someone who does not want to lose his Savior. But the words were, again, offensive because they contradicted God's will. For us, we might not be contradicting God's will. We might not intentionally be trying to offend or cause harm, but our actions and words can hurt if we are not careful. More on this in a bit.

Now let us head over to I Corinthians for our next scripture. Paul had his hands full, as they say, with the Corinthians: marriage, sexual immorality, and offenses are just a few of the things, but certainly not strange to even today's society. So in I Corinthians 6, verses 1 through 11, Paul is telling the Corinthians not to sue one another. Most of the time somebody sues someone else because they were actually wronged. Some type of offense occurred and then of course it is time to go to war with that person.

I Corinthians 6:8-9 [Paul says] No, you yourselves do wrong and cheat [or you can insert offend there], and you do these things to your brethren! Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived.

Apparently in Corinth, there were some offenses happening right there in church, things that should not be named among the brethren, and Paul was rebuking them.

I Corinthians 8:1-13 Now concerning things offered to idols: We know that we all have knowledge. Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. And if anyone thinks that he knows anything, he knows nothing yet as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, this one is known by Him. Therefore concerning the eating of things offered to idols, we know that an idol is nothing in the world, and there is no other God but one. For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as there are many gods and many lords), yet for us there is one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we for Him; and one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom are all things, and through whom we live. However, there is not in everyone that knowledge; for some, with consciousness of the idol, until now eat it as a thing offered to an idol; and their conscious being weak, is defiled.

But food does not commend us to God; for neither if we eat are we the better, nor if we do not eat are we the worse. But beware lest somehow this liberty of yours become a stumbling block [an offense] to those who are weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol's temple, will not the conscious of him who is weak be emboldened to eat those things offered to idols? And because of your knowledge, shall the weak brother perish, for whom Christ died? But when you thus sin against the brethren, and wound their weak conscious, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble.

I wanted to read the entire event there, but really that last part, verse 13, is what I wanted to get to. Paul saying, if it makes my brother stumble, I will not do it.

Now clearly in Corinth and more specifically in the church there, there were people that were both strong in the faith and weak in the faith. For some, eating meat, whether it was offered to an idol or not, was really no big deal. That filet mignon was still a filet mignon regardless of what ceremony it went through or who prayed over it, because at the end of the day, it was just meat. To others who took a stance that they did not want to have anything to do with idols, even though idols, as Paul explains here, are nothing in the world, they believe that partaking of that filet was sin. Paul, because of his love for his brethren said, if eating meat offends or causes someone to stumble, I will not do it. Paul shows that he did not want to offend any one of his brethren.

These verses, in my mind, apply to a lot of different circumstances in life well beyond food. There are probably several things that each of us can rattle off that we think are either okay in God's eyes or not. Which brings us to our first example of how to offend someone, and that is to not be situationally aware. Now situational awareness is the ability to perceive, comprehend, and anticipate events or circumstances in one's surroundings. It involves being fully present and mindful of your environment, understanding the current situation, and making informed decisions based on that understanding. In a lot of Paul's writings, he showcases his situational awareness and even speaks about it. In chapter 8 here, he is aware that knowledge is puffing up some of the brethren, and he is aware that there are some that are strong in the faith and some that are weaker in the faith. And because of that, he adapts his response to that situation.

Skipping to the punch line over in chapter 9, verse 19, Paul speaking again,

I Corinthians 9:19-23 For though I am free from all men, I have made myself a servant to all [that is the humility there], that I might win the more; and to the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might win Jews; to those who are under the law, as under the law, that I might win those who are under the law; to those who are without law, as without law (not being without law towards God, but under law toward Christ), that I might win those who are without law; to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. Now this I do for the gospel's sake, that I may be partaker of it with you.

Now Paul, in saying that he has become all things to all men is another way of saying that he was meeting people where they were at, and he did it with purpose. He desired that everyone should partake in this wonderful opportunity.

Another way to easily offend others is to not be humble. Do not be humble. We just read in verse 19, Paul said, "I have made myself a servant to all." He chose to humble himself and serve others. Oftentimes we decide to do something or maybe not do something because we feel it is not a problem. Similar to eating the meat offered to idols, oftentimes, and trust me, I have said this myself, we say, well if so-and-so has an issue with it, that is their problem, not mine. That is not humility. Paul taught humility. Let us continue in,

I Corinthians 10:23-30 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being. Eat whatever is sold in the market, asking no questions for conscious sake; for "the earth is the Lord's, and all its fullness." If any of those who do not believe invite you to dinner, and you desire to go, eat whatever is set before you, asking no questions for conscious sake. But if anyone says to you, "This was offered to idols," do not eat it for the sake of the one who told you, for conscious sake; "for the earth is the Lord's, and all its fullness." "Conscience," I say, not your own, but that of the other. For why is my liberty judged by another man's conscious? But if I partake with thanks, why am I evil spoken of for the food over which I gave thanks?

Paul is saying here that if the food offends someone at the table or the dinner, do not eat it, do not do it. It might not be technically against God's law, but if it offends your brother, then do not eat it. Be humble and care about their conscience and their thoughts. He caps off the lesson in verses 31 through 33.

I Corinthians 10:31-33 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.

Paul did not want to offend the brethren, and he approached his care for them with humility. And to put a pin on this earlier in chapter (I do not have time to get into it), Paul talks about his rights as an apostle, which are grounded clearly in Scripture, including both food and monetary support, but he refrains, because he does not want to hinder the brethren or the gospel there in verse 12. Hinder there is also translated as snare or offend.

Paul worked hard to be situationally aware, meeting the brethren where they were at through humility, and not only that, not just being aware and humble, he also took action. I Corinthians 9 is titled as A Pattern of Self-Denial. Paul did it repeatedly. Remember the phrase I said, if they are offended, that is their problem, not mine. Paul actually cared and he took action. He did not sit back and tell them to get over it. He approached each situation with humility and love.

Our Savior provided a perfect example of this. I am not going to go to it, but it is in Matthew 17:24-27, and this is where Jesus instructed Peter to pay the temple tax, not because He had to but because He wanted to avoid the potential of offending them by not paying. Jesus knew the offense might occur, and so He was humble about it, taking the time to have Peter go get the money, again, even though He did not need to pay it. But He took the action anyway, and He set the perfect example.

Now, typically when we speak of offenses, we go to Matthew 24. And we can go ahead and head over there. I think we do have time for this. Jesus is speaking about the end of the ages. Just to pick it up here in verse 9.

Matthew 24:9-12 "Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and kill you, and you will be hated by all nations for My name's sake. And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another. Then many false prophets will rise up and deceive many. And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold."

I think this offense might be twofold, and this is just my thoughts on the scriptures as I went through the study. As I said earlier, truth, and specifically God's truth, offends. I could have gone to several scriptures where Jesus shows that the truth in God's way of life is very offensive to this world and those that are sinning. So I think that Matthew 24 speaks to God's truth offending, but I do think there is a human element as well, where people will simply be offended and betray one another and will hate each other. So those offenses will come in various forms.

Now when we offend someone, we hurt or damage the relationship with that person. In turn, that person will most likely develop feelings of betrayal or hurt, and perhaps even hate. These are normal human responses. When we offend because of God's Word and His truth, well, that is a separate message because in all things we should remain faithful to God. When we offend in our relationships with others, I think God is watching and wants to see that we handle those situations correctly. Are we evaluating the situation? Are we being humble and caring, and are we taking the appropriate action to try not to offend?

Let us go over to Proverbs 4 for our last scripture.

Proverbs 4:24-27 Put away from you a deceitful [or it could also be translated devious] mouth, and put perverse lips far from you. Let your eyes look straight ahead, and your eyelids look right before you. Ponder the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established. Do not turn to the right or the left; remove your foot from evil.

I chose this scripture not just because of the admonishment to not have offensive speech, but also to highlight the admonishment to focus on the narrow path, keeping one's feet established on that path, and turning neither to the left or to the right. When we offend someone, we place a stumbling block in front of them. Have we thought about whether our words or actions might cause someone to trip or slip or fall, that perhaps they might fall off of that path that is in front of them? I personally reflected and repented as I was putting this message together. I wondered how many times my words or actions have offended others. Some of them I might have thought about maybe in hindsight, while others I probably still do not know about to this day. But I feel an equal obligation to not offend others as I do with not taking offense, which I believe is going to be a topic for another day.

Thinking about others, being situationally aware of what is going on in others' lives and in their situations, being humble and not pushing your knowledge or words or actions on others, actually caring about the relationship, along with doing something, taking action, will save many offenses.

There are many self-help books out there for relationships today, things like Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, and many more. And these highlight that different people need different things. There are ways we can build up each other and certainly easy ways that we can tear each other down. There are easy ways to offend others: not being situationally aware, not caring where your brethren are at or what they are going through, lacking humility as you deal with individual circumstances, and also failing to take action are all ways that we can offend one another.

Being careful to not offend others takes effort and thoughtful consideration of each person that we come in contact with. It takes effort to meet each person where they are at in life and to lovingly connect and be kind no matter what is going on in their life or ours. It takes our commitment to be humble and devote the time to take action to help the relationship and not hurt it.

It is actually pretty easy to offend someone. The real test, the real chore, the real challenge is to love one another as Christ loves us.

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